What is a healthy divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A healthy divorce is one where both parties walk away feeling like they have closure without resentment. The divorce process can be difficult and painful, but it is possible to keep things amicable. And if you share custody of children, it’s all the more reason to try your best to keep things friendly. You’ll be coordinating things for your kids together for the rest of your lives, and the sooner you can begin to establish a healthy coparenting relationship the better for you and your children. Try to present a united front when it comes to your kids, and set aside bitterness and anger for their sake. Additionally, when you are negotiating the terms of your divorce settlement, try to look at the bigger picture instead of trying to “win” the divorce. Avoid trash talking about your ex, because it can wind up hurting your case and causing issues for your children. And finally, hire an attorney to ensure that you’re getting the best representation, and so that they can help you navigate this difficult process. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things civil and each walk away from your marriage with respect towards one another.

Healthy Divorce: How to Walk Away with Dignity

Be a Team When It Comes to Parenting

One of the most important things you can focus on to have a healthy divorce is to parent as a team. Present a united front with your children, and reassure them that you both love them the same and will be a part of their lives. Don’t try to win your children over by spoiling them or upsetting their schedules, and instead, try to keep things consistent across your houses. Discuss parenting decisions together with the children’s happiness and well-being as your absolute top priority.

Negotiate Without Trying to “Win”

One aspect of a healthy divorce is that both parties go into it with a goal of settling things peacefully. If you each go into your divorce with a mindset of wanting to “win,” it’s going to instantly antagonize you against one another. Don’t get hung up on the details, or trying to win petty disagreements. Decide on a few key things that you want to focus on and let the rest go. You aren’t going to walk away with everything you want, compromise is an important part of this process.

Avoid Trash Talking

Avoiding trash talking is one of the easiest ways to help promote a healthy divorce. When you badmouth your ex, you run the risk of them finding out and making things much more contentious. Additionally, it can hurt your case if you’re in a custody battle, because a judge wants to see that you can coparent peacefully. Finally, if you have children, it can be especially harmful to speak ill of their parent (your ex) in front of them. They love you both equally, and hearing you disparage their other parent can be confusing, stressful, and emotionally painful for them.

Hire Help

Finally, if you want to navigate divorce the smoothest way possible, hire help. An experienced divorce attorney can expedite the process and ensure that you have the best support possible when it comes to arguing your case. If other professionals are needed, like forensic accountants, your attorney can help coordinate that. Additionally, it can be helpful to speak to a licensed therapist or counselor during this time for emotional support. And if you and your ex plan to coparent, a counselor can also see you together in order to help lay the groundwork for a peaceful coparenting relationship.

We all know that divorces can get very ugly and bring out the worst in people. However, it is possible to have a healthy divorce where both people walk away with some satisfaction and overall respect for one another. But you’ll both have to be committed to keeping things civil, even when difficult issues arise. If you have children, always present a united front for their sake, and try to set aside petty differences or old wounds for the sake of their wellbeing. Learning to coparent peacefully will be the most emotionally beneficial thing you can do for your kids. Try to go into the divorce with a mindset of compromise rather than wanting to beat your spouse at the negotiations. Avoid badmouthing

How to Communicate with Your Ex After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are still needing to communicate with your ex after divorce, it can take some getting used to. People often have to learn to navigate this if they share custody of children that they now co-parent. It can be hard to remember that you have moved from a romantic relationship to a more business-like partnership. It’s normal to have some awkwardness and false starts at first, but hopefully, you’ll figure out the best way to communicate with one another without rehashing old drama. It’s helpful to find the mode of communication that works best for you. It’s also important to always be respectful, even when you are disagreeing about things. Stay on point and don’t let yourself get side-tracked into old conversations that just re-open wounds. And finally, know when to call it quits and take a break from the conversation. Hopefully, you and your ex are both committed to making your co-parenting relationship a smooth one, and learning to communicate effectively will help that in many ways.

How to Communicate with Your Ex After Divorce: Avoiding Drama

Find the Best Form of Communication

If you will need to communicate with your ex after divorce, it’s best to find the right form of communication. For many, texting isn’t a good idea, at least at first. Because you aren’t able to hear the other person’s tone of voice through text, it can often lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings. If this is the case, consider switching to only phone calls instead. At least until you are a little less emotionally heated around one another.

Be Respectful

It’s also important to remember to always be respectful when you communicate with your ex after divorce. It’s natural to want to bring up old arguments or rehash history. However, if you didn’t agree when you were a couple, chances are you won’t agree now on things. So it’s best to simply move forward and keep things civil. Try to be open minded and listen when your ex talks, even if the things they are saying make you feel emotional. Getting overly heated in situations is likely going to backfire and make them dig in their heels even more solidly.

Stay on Point

While it can be difficult, it’s important to keep things short and direct when you communicate with your ex after divorce. Try not to get side-tracked talking about unrelated things. Instead, treat your relationship like a business interaction. Be direct, polite, and keep it short. Gather your thoughts beforehand so that you know what all you need to talk about, and stay on point.

Know When to Pause

Finally, if you’re talking to your ex, it’s important to know when to walk away from a conversation. If things get heated and you begin to feel emotional about the conversation, take a pause. Don’t let yourself get sucked into a full-blown argument. Your ex knows how to push your buttons better than almost anybody else in the world. If the conversation isn’t leading anywhere productive, say so and end it. Let your ex know that you’ll consider their opinion and you all can talk about it after you sleep on things. Hopefully, that’ll give you both time to cool down and approach the situation from a more neutral perspective.

Having to communicate with your ex after divorce is pretty common if you share custody of children and are becoming co-parents. However, just because it’s normal doesn’t make it easy. For many, there is a steep learning curve. It’s especially difficult to communicate with them while the divorce pain is still fresh. But the idea is that over time, you’ll both be able to have a conversation without getting too heated or emotional. Figure out what form of communication works best for you, and stick to that as much as possible. Try to always remember to be respectful, even when you are disagreeing about things. Keep in mind that your children will thrive the most if they have co-parents that can get along. So try to put aside old pettiness for their sake. Stay on point and keep it short and direct. And finally, if the conversation turns into an argument, hit the pause button to prevent things from getting too heated. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to navigate through this difficult transitional period and become respectful and cooperative co-parents.

Finding the Right Marriage Counselor

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Finding the right marriage counselor is important if you and your spouse are beginning couples therapy. Whether you’re going through a bit of a rough patch, or you’re simply trying to create a stronger foundation, therapy can be hugely beneficial. Your counselor will give you tools to help you improve your communication, build trust, and work through conflict together. But you have to make sure that the therapist is a good fit for both partners. First, you’ll need to consider your budget. Then, discuss availability and make sure that a potential therapist can meet when you need them to. Make sure they are well qualified with couples with similar situations. And finally, the counselor has to be a good fit for you both and somebody that you can open up to and be vulnerable with. You might need to take some time meeting with different therapist before you find the professional that’s the right fit for you as a couple.

Finding the Right Marriage Counselor for Both of You

Within Your Budget

One of the first things to consider when finding the right marriage counselor is your budget. Therapy is not cheap. And sometimes your health insurance can cover a portion or even all of it. It’s definitely worth calling your insurance provider and asking. However, if you’ll be paying out of pocket, you’ll need to decide ahead of time what your budget is for therapy. Ask any professionals you meet with how they bill and what the cost is per session.

Availability that Suits Your Schedule

Another factor to consider when finding the right marriage counselor is availability. While no therapist is going to always be available, it is important to make sure that they have some time in their schedule for new clients. You don’t want the physical act of going to therapy to become a stress in your life. So try to find somebody that is nearby and can meet at the times of day that you and your partner are available.

Qualified

Of course, experience matters when it comes to most professions. While newer therapists can be very well trained, it’s important to make sure that they have the right credentials to be treating patients. For example, a therapist should be licensed by a state board. They might be a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), or a Psychologist (PHD, PsyD, EdD), among other options.

Compatibility

Finally, finding the right marriage counselor means finding the right counselor for BOTH partners. While you might feel comfortable with one person, it’s important to make sure that it’s a good fit for your spouse as well. Otherwise, they won’t feel comfortable enough to open up and be vulnerable. Therapy of any kind relies on a good deal of trust between the patient and therapist. Sometimes, it can take a few tries to find the counselor that’s the right fit for both of you. Be patient and don’t be afraid to switch and try a new counselor if things aren’t working out.

Finding the right marriage counselor can be a process of trial and error. You don’t always end up with exactly the right professional on the first try. Be patient and meet with a few different people to see who you and your spouse connect with more. Make sure that they are within your budget, and that they have some availability that suits your schedules. You also want to check their qualifications, and experience. Finally, make sure that both you and your partner feel comfortable opening up to the counselor you choose. Even if things are going well in your marriage, going to couples counseling can still be very useful. Your therapist will walk you through how to cope with stressful times as a couple, how to manage conflict, and how to communicate more effectively with one another. Hopefully you can find the counselor that’s the right fit for you and continue to seek their advice throughout your marriage.