How-to Begin Healing from Adultery

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You feel betrayed, hurt, and confused. You found out that your spouse has been cheating on you behind your back. In the moment, it may feel like this pain and suffering will never end. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be able to pick up the pieces and move forward. Whether or not you choose to stick it out or part ways with your spouse is up to you. There is no perfect, one-size-fits-all answer. However, it is important to know what steps you can take to begin healing from adultery.

How-to Begin Healing from Adultery: Picking Up the Pieces

Emotions

If you want to start healing from adultery, you will have to work through multiple stages first. You will feel an overwhelming amount of pain and sadness. This could come with swings of emotions where you are angry at your spouse, then yourself, and back to your spouse again. This could all happen within a matter of moments. You will have lost all trust and have shattered dreams for the future.

During this time, do not make any rash decisions. When you are in emotional pain, you will not be able to make wise decisions at this point. Do not jump into wanting to file for divorce, hurting yourself or getting revenge. Wait until your emotions have leveled out, or you may make a decision that you regret, but cannot take back. There is no set time frame as to how long this stage will last. Your spouse will need to be patient with you during this time. The way you work through this stage is unique to you. Lean on others for support or seek a councilor. Make sure to practice self-care, get enough sleep and eat healthy.

Therapy

It will be helpful to get therapy to work through healing from adultery. While you may be tempted to seek help on your own, it may be better to get therapy as a couple if you are considering continuing the marriage. You will have broken trust in your relationship. Seeking help together could help to rebuild this trust. There have already been enough secrets in this marriage. Individual therapy does not work to rebuild that trust. In fact, it may even make things more complicated. If you are wanting to save your marriage, you need to work through things with your spouse and not apart from them. Sometimes it takes one spouse hearing the other spouse saying why he or she is choosing this relationship and marriage versus giving up.

Working on Your Relationship

While the spouse who cheated on the other spouse is completely at fault for the affair, it is good to look at all of the other surrounding factors. Were there things that were broken in the marriage that could be worked on? Perhaps both spouses lost interest in one another. Try and address the things that were broken so that if you do continue the marriage, these things are not a continuous pain point.

It is also important to work on communication. For this to work, you must be able to communicate how you feel. You do not want underlying feelings to pop up 15 years from now about the hurt you have been sweeping under the rug. Being able to communicate openly will also help to rebuild trust.

How to Ease Back Into Dating After a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Going through a divorce is emotional and stressful. For a long time, you may not be ready to even think about dating again. But when you do decide to get back out there, these tips can help. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, it’s important to remember to take your time. You’ll also want to get out and meet people and be upfront about being a divorcee. Getting back into the dating world can be scary at first, but hopefully, you’ll find your perfect partner!

Ease Back into Dating After a Divorce – Trust Yourself

Take It Slow

Taking it slow is the most important step when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce. This means taking it slow when deciding to start dating. It also means taking it slow with new partners, as well as taking it slow when telling your family that you’re dating again. Before you get back into the dating world, it’s important that you build your confidence back up. Going through a divorce can cause so much mental stress, so it’s important to make sure that you’re in a healthy headspace before bringing somebody new into your life. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, you need to do just that – ease. Take it slow with new dates. Don’t try to rush a relationship into something serious too quickly. Just have fun and enjoy yourself for a while. Your feelings about your ex can change a lot over the course of dating someone new. You might feel nostalgic about your early dates, or get overwhelmed at how much there is to learn about a new person. Try not to get ahead of yourself, and just enjoy the relationship as it grows. Also remember to take it slow when introducing new dates to your family, especially your kids. They probably don’t need to meet every single person you go on a date with. But if things start to feel serious, it’s best to sit them down and let them meet your date.

Get Out There

The best thing you can do when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce is to just get out there and meet people. Online dating is always an option too. But don’t neglect old fashioned meet and greets. Switch up your routine and go to a new coffee shop or gym. Or join a local meetup or sports group. Try and introduce yourself to as many new people as you can when you’re out and about. And don’t forget to ask your friends if they know any available singles! It’s best to be upfront about your breakup when you ease back into dating after a divorce. You can keep it short and simple. For example, “my ex-husband and I are divorced. I wish him well but we just weren’t right for each other.” You don’t have to go into more detail than you’re comfortable with. And try not to trash talk your ex either. You don’t want to give the wrong impression to your new date. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about your status as a divorcee, and talking about your ex in a calm way will show your new date that you’re mature and comfortable with the situation. Deciding to ease back into dating after a divorce is a big decision. Really take time to figure out if you’re ready for it or not. Remember to take it slow when starting to look for dates, as well as with any new partners. Get out there and meet new people, and be upfront about your divorce. Always trust your instincts, and don’t forget that if things don’t feel right, it’s alright to give yourself more time. And of course, have fun!

How to Help a Friend Through a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The stress of divorce has been compared to the stress of a family member dying. Watching a friend go through that kind of pain can make you feel helpless. But there are many ways that you can help a friend through a divorce. Including them in everyday activities, being a good listener, and lending a helping hand will show them how much you care about them.

How to Help a Friend Through a Divorce: Be Their Rock

Be a Good Listener

Listening is the most important thing you can do to help a friend through a divorce. Try to remember that you should listen more than you speak. You can offer words of comfort, but try not to monopolize the conversation. If they get emotional, don’t try to force them to speak. Just quietly let them express their feelings. Also, try not to join in on any bashing of their ex-partner. Their feelings will probably change from day-to-day. If you join in on the bashing one day, they may not feel comfortable opening up to you when they are feeling more forgiving another day. Also, if they work things out in the future you’ll never be able to take back the words you said.

Include them in Everyday Activities

Including them in everyday activities is one way to help a friend through a divorce. They might be missing the normalcy of their old life. Therefore, including them in minor activities can make them feel better. For example, taking the kids to soccer practice or inviting them to weeknight dinner at your house. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a sample of everyday life. But don’t forget the important holidays too! Even if they turn down your invitations, keep inviting them out. They may not have the energy to join in right now, but they’ll appreciate being included all the same.

Lend a Helping Hand

You can really help a friend through a divorce by lending a helping hand. Running a household is difficult, and they are now doing it alone. You can pitch in with chores or running errands. You can also offer to help with childcare! If they are moving because of the divorce, you can help them pack. And don’t forget that divorce comes with a mountain of paperwork. They will probably need your help organizing it and figuring out everything. You can gather information and help them to know what to expect. Even just dropping off a meal can make you a real lifesaver! Your friend is going through so much, anywhere you can help out will help them immensely.

There are many ways to help a friend through a divorce. Being a good listener, including them in things, and lending a helping hand are all great ways to show your support. They are under so much stress and will surely appreciate all you do.

My Husband Cheated On Me: Now What?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If your husband cheated on you, you might be feeling absolutely lost on how to move forward. An affair can cause a lot of pain, resentment, and anger. Some couples choose to end their marriage, while others decide to move forward. How you proceed is up to you. But the first thing to do is ensure your own safety with a health checkup. Then, it might be helpful to try to get to the bottom of exactly what happened. Decide how you’re feeling about things and what you would like to do. Then, you can discuss options with your partner and move forward together one way or another. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to a decision that you both agree on and you can heal from the pain of adultery.

My Husband Cheated On Me: Now What? Deciding How to Move Forward

Safety First

If your husband cheated on you, the first step to take is to protect your own health. You don’t know for sure if the person he slept with is healthy. Or whether or not they had unprotected sex. Make an appointment with your doctor for an STD and HIV screening. While nobody likes to think about these possibilities, your health comes first.

Get the Whole Truth

Now that you are taking care of your safety, it’s time to get to the bottom of exactly what happened. Try to find out if it was a one-time thing or a full-fledged affair. Be firm about what the consequences are if he lies again to you by not giving you the full story. Try to get to the bottom of why your husband cheated in the first place.

Decide How You Feel

If your husband cheated on you, it’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions. You don’t have to give him an answer about the future right away. Instead, take some time to process your feelings and decide how you want to move forward. Do you think you’d be able to trust him again? Or do you want to end things? You don’t know what course of action he’ll want to take. But figuring out how you’d like to proceed can at least give you a starting point.

Moving Forward

Once you know how you want to proceed, discuss it with your husband. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page, but you might not be. Sometimes affairs happen because there are deep-seated issues in a marriage. Or maybe your husband cheated because it seemed the marriage was ending naturally anyway. None of these are excuses, but they can help you decide how to move forward. If you both want to end the marriage, hopefully you can proceed with a healthy divorce. If you both are wanting to work on things, marriage counseling can be very helpful. If your husband cheated on you, it can create a loss of trust and a lot of pain. Affairs hurt everybody involved, and can leave lasting scars that you carry into future relationships. Give yourself some time to process your feelings before deciding how you want to move forward. However, prioritize your health by getting checked out by your doctor. Then, try to get to the bottom of the story. After you know the details, you can decide how you’d like to move forward and then discuss it with your partner. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page one way or the other. If you want to work things out, you’ll both have to recommit to your relationship. If you want to break up, the best thing you can do is hire an experienced attorney as soon as possible to make your divorce as quick and painless as possible.