Post-Divorce Expectation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of extreme pain and change. Because of this, people tend to mentally prepare themselves for what could happen. Mental preparation can be for things like moving, figuring out co-parenting schedules and new jobs. However, there are a few things that surprise people after their divorce. Mental preparations for any post-divorce expectation is great to do but it’s even better if you’re aware of more outcomes.

Post-Divorce Expectation: Being More Aware

Loss of Friends

Often times, going through a divorce is a group effort. For some people, it’s a common post-divorce expectation to rely on their family and friends. However, there are some friends that can’t take the heat. A reason for this is that your divorce is reminding them of the shortcomings of their marriage. For some people, they may not want to deal with anything upsetting. Whatever reason it is, there are some friends that will step up to the plate and others that will back away from it.

If losing friends is something you happen to go through during your divorce, try not to put energy into being upset with those people. There will be friends and family that will pick up their slack. Instead, put your energy into letting the reliable friends and family know that they are appreciated and loved.

Unwanted Opinions

Whoever is involved in your life will, at some time or another, know that you’re going through a divorce. This is a great post-divorce expectation to have in mind. To you, it may feel embarrassing or like an invasion of privacy that everyone around you knows something so personal. Sadly, some people will take advantage of knowing some of personal life. Whether it be friends, family, coworkers or a neighbor, someone may voice their unwanted opinions on your divorce. However, this person isn’t always meaning to be unkind. Even though you did not ask for anyone’s opinion, they may mean it out of the kindness of their heart.

With this in mind, try not to let what anyone says get to you. If you need to, have pre-made responses to whoever gives unwanted opinions. That way, you don’t have to give as much energy to a situation you don’t want to be a part of.

Your Own Strength

Another common post-divorce expectation you may already have is your own strength during this time. You may be thinking how hard emotionally and mentally it will be for you. This may lead you to set up appointmentswith therapists in advance. However, you may have more strength during your divorce than you ever thought you would have. Of course, it’s great to prepare for things ahead of time. Continue doing that! With that in mind, don’t forget to give yourself credit for all that you’ve done and all that you will do.

Mental preparation for what may happen after your divorce is a proactive thing to do. Some post-divorce expectations may be glaringly obvious. However, there are some that may trip you up. Remember, post-divorce expectation is meant to help you so make sure you’re aware of any and all obstacles. That way, you can go through this painful time as best as you possibly can.

Talking Divorce: Breaking the News

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Maybe you and your spouse have tried a lot to solve the problems in your marriage, but it just hasn’t worked. When this happens, and you’re ready for a divorce, you’ll have to tell your spouse. But how do you go about talking divorce? As it turns out, there are some ways to make this hard process a bit easier…

Talking Divorce: How To Tell Your Spouse

Pick the right time and place

Timing and environment are both very important factors when talking divorce. Trying to talk to them right after something stressful or difficult has happened might result in them blowing you off or reacting poorly. Plus, divorce isn’t something you’ll want to talk about in public, or while around family and friends.

Instead, try to find a time where both you and your spouse won’t be busy. Also, make sure you pick a private space where you both feel comfortable. If you have kids, you’ll want to make sure they’re out of the house before you talk about anything. It might also help to keep your phones on silent, as to not get distracted.

Pick your approach

Once you have the when and where down, you’ll need to figure out howyou’ll go about talking divorce. Tone and word choice are very important for having this conversation go as smoothly as possible. If you come off as angry, vindictive, or putting all the blame onto them, they’ll probably get very upset very quickly.

Instead, try being gentle, but firm. Let them know in a neutral or sympathetic tone that you’re sad too, but things just aren’t working. However, be firm in the fact that you want to divorce. That way, you ensure they get the message while not feeling directly attacked.

Prepare for their response

Despite the steps you’ll take for making talking divorce a bit smoother, you still have to be prepared for your spouse’s reaction. Their reaction could go a number of ways. They could get angry, begin blaming you, or very upset. However, it’s important to make sure you respond properly.

A good strategy, similar to the gentle but firm one, is to remain sympathetic, but still state you want a divorce. Tell them that you understand how they feel, and you’re sad about things too. However, let them also know you think divorce is the best course of action. This lets them know you aren’t doing this to be mean, but because things aren’t good for either of you.

Divorce Coach: Emotional Support Through Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how difficult divorce can be, you might want to look for some extra help. One useful resource may be a divorce coach. A coach can really help you develop some strategies for tackling your divorce and its challenges…

Divorce Coach: How They Can Help

Plan out your path

It’s not to uncommon for people to feel aimless during their divorce. They might not know where to start, or what they need to do. All of this can quickly get overwhelming, and make things all the more difficult. However, a divorce coach can help you plan out each step and make your divorce a bit more easier.

Plus, a coach doesn’t only have to help you with the divorce itself. They can also help you make some post-divorce life plans as well. That way, not only can you figure out the steps for your divorce, but you can also have those first post-divorce life steps figured out too. That peace of mind can really help you mentally during your divorce.

Talking to your ex

Depending on your divorce situation, you might not be able to simply not talk to your ex anymore. For example, if you and your ex have kids, then you’ll probably have to learn to communicate as co-parents. However, this presents its own set of issues. A divorce coach can help you overcome these issues and make talking to one another easier.

Coaches can help you figure out where you both might have some common ground. Then, from there you can both work together on developing a parenting plan. Of course, this might cause some tensions, especially if your divorce wasn’t so smooth. Still, a coach can also help you figure out what to do when things go sideways.

Manage your emotions

Divorce makes plenty of people’s emotions run a little high. Of course, this can be difficult to deal with. More often than not, these emotions can really make it hard to get through your divorce in a good head-space. That’s where a divorce coach can certainly come in handy.

A coach can help you figure out your emotions, and get a better handle on them. This is especially invaluable for when you have to talk to your ex, or have to handle other divorce matters. Having your emotions well under control can ensure you make the right decisions at the right times.

Marriage Counseling

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are having problems in your marriage, it’s a great step to try marriage counseling. When it’s the right fit for the both of you, marriage counseling can truly be the difference between make or break. However, marriage counseling doesn’t work for everyone. But, just with anything, it can take time to really make a change. If marriage counseling still isn’t helping after a while, you may be wondering when to hang up the hat…

Marriage Counseling: When to Call it Quits

Checking all the Boxes

For starters, marriage should be what’s right for you and your spouse. For example, do the both of you want counseling? Are the both of you aware of what problems need addressing? Additionally, do the both of you believe your counselor is the best fit for you? Checking all of these boxes is part of what makes marriage counseling successful. If it hasn’t been working, make sure to see that you’ve checked all the boxes.

Time

Just like for most things, time is one of the most important parts of marriage counseling. With some couples, their marriage is already improving after a handful of sessions. However, with other couples, they may go to counseling for years and still cannot resolve their problems. Ultimately, basing how much time has passed with progress is only something that can be done by the couple. The two of you are the only ones who can honestly say whether or not something is working in the time you’ve had.

Are Your Hearts in It?

No matter what, marriage counseling shouldn’t happen unless both spouses are on board. That means, both spouses have to want the counseling and be serious about going to sessions and doing their homework. If not, then counseling most likely won’t work.

On the flip side, the both of you could be passionate about going but lack of success has hindered you. In that case, there is a chance you can increase your morale. Focus, instead on the lack of success, but that you have someone that wants to work things out with you. However, if the two of you genuinely don’t think counseling is working, then it may be time to stop.

Marriage counseling is helpful but tricky. If all the variables aren’t right, things can get messy. However, as long both spouses are using their time properly and still want counseling, everything could work. Sadly, that doesn’t always mean it will work. Communicate with your partner throughout this process. Therefore, it’ll make this whole process clearer.

Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The time right after your divorce can be very hard to go through. This is especially true as you begin adjusting to the life and times of co-parenting with your ex. Now, not only are you adjusting to life post-divorce, you’re also facing unfamiliar co-parenting stressors for the first time. How do you adjust? How do you cope with this new schedule? And how do you explain it all to your kids along the way? While co-parenting is not easy in any way, there are some ways to overcome the slump and find your co-parenting groove…

Co-Parenting Stressors: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Find some common ground

It’s always hard for a co-parent when their child comes back from being with their other parent and begins acting out. Often times, this is because the house rules over there are much different. This shift in rules makes it hard for a child to adapt, and can ultimately lead to friction from one house to another. Therefore, finding common ground is vital in overcoming those co-parenting stressors. Creating a mutual understanding of why you’re doing this is often a great first step.

The difficult thing about co-parenting is that you won’t have the same exact rules as your ex. However, you can try to come together on some things you both agree on… Continue reading “Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming” →