Finding the right moment to bring up divorce can mean the difference between getting an honest and thoughtful response from your partner or getting into a massive argument. Divorce is a bell that you cannot un-ring, so you should never just threaten it during a fight. Instead, you should put thought and time into your decision to even broach the subject, and feel confident that this is something you want to bring up with your spouse. The dynamic of your relationship might change after the conversation, even if you wind up staying together. Make sure you find the right setting so that you can have an open and vulnerable conversation. Start things off on the right foot by explaining where you are coming from and that you’ve put a lot of thought into this. Finally, be prepared for many different reactions. You might need to be patient and let your spouse think about the things you’ve said for a while and process. Hopefully, you both will wind up on the same page as far as the future of your relationship goes.

Finding the Right Moment to Bring Up Divorce: Planning Ahead

Not During a Fight

When finding the right moment to bring up divorce with your spouse, the most important thing to remember is not to do it during a fight. Throwing around divorce when you are extremely upset will make it seem like an idle threat, and can be very harmful to your relationship. Your partner might not realize that you are serious about your intentions, and it might come across as if you haven’t put any thought into it. Threatening divorce during fights can weaken your partner’s trust in you and can eventually cause damage to your marriage.

Right Setting

Finding the right moment to bring up divorce also means finding the right setting. You definitely don’t want to be overheard having this conversation, so choose someplace private. Your partner might also react emotionally, so make sure that you are alone together and not where others might see. Make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of uninterrupted time to discuss things, so make any childcare arrangements you need to to ensure that young ears aren’t overhearing you.

How to Begin the Conversation

Begin the conversation by letting them know that this isn’t a decision that you take lightly. Explain where you are coming from and the steps that you are taking to try to resolve issues with them before suggesting divorce. It can be helpful to let them know your thoughts, and then explain that you’d like to know how they are feeling about your relationship’s future as well. You might both be on the same page, or this might come as a shock to them. Be open to discussing things like marital counseling or a trial separation if they seem very reluctant to consider divorce.

Anticipating Possible Reactions

Finally, after finding the right moment to bring up divorce, you’ll need to give your partner some space to process the conversation. They might react in many different ways. They might become upset, cry, express anger, disbelief, hurt, or many other emotions. Try not to get defensive, and instead, let them know that you will be patient and give them time to think about your conversation. If things feel like they are heading towards an argument, excuse yourself from the conversation altogether and ask that you revisit things when you both have had time to think.

If you and your partner are on rocky ground and you are no longer happy in your marriage, it might be time to look at separating and moving down different paths in life. However, finding the right moment to bring up divorce can be difficult. You always want to ensure that your partner realizes this is something that you are giving a lot of thought to. So don’t bring up the topic during a fight or throw it around idly as a threat during arguments. Instead, find a quiet and private setting and make sure that you have plenty of uninterrupted time to discuss things. Let your partner know how much thought you are giving the idea of divorce, and tell them the reasons why you feel it’s the best option. Give them space to process their feelings and anticipate that they might have a lot of emotional reactions. If the conversation is devolving into an argument and doesn’t feel like it will be productive, give them space to think things over and revisit the conversation when you are both calmer. Hopefully, you both will be on the same page when it comes to your future and can move forward with an amicable divorce or can work on rebuilding your relationship back stronger than ever together.