Marriage Misconceptions: Healthy Relationships

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You can trace many common divorce reasons back to common marriage misconceptions. Everyone enters a marriage with an idea of how it should be. However, these myths can end up putting you on a fast-track towards divorce…

Marriage Misconceptions: Keeping it Healthy

“Good marriages don’t need work”

One of the common marriage misconceptions is thinking marriages don’t require work. We all like to imagine that things will just work between you and your spouse. After all, everyone wants that “happy-ever-after” relationship. The thing is, though, is that those don’t happen overnight.

The fact is that your marriage is going to need some work. You and your partner might get along fine now. But, there’ll still be things you have to deal with and learn from together. Investing that time in now will help ensure things last into the future.

“My partner should know how I feel”

Another of the common marriage misconceptions are partners thinking the other should know how they feel at all times. Instead of telling their partner how they feel, they think their partner shouldn’t need to be told. As a result, this tends to lead to a whole host of communication issues and arguments.

Communication is crucial for any good relationship. Remember: you and your partner aren’t mind readers. You’re not going to know how the other feels or thinks all the time. That’s why it’s important to let each other know if something is wrong, so you can work together on a solution.

“We should never argue”

Arguments are another source of common marriage misconceptions. A lot of people will think that they should never have any kind of arguments in their marriage. If they do argue, then it means that their marriage isn’t going to last and there’s some kind of issue between the both of them.

The thing is, arguments are going to happen. That’s a natural part of any relationship. However, what matters is how often these arguments are, and what they’re about. If they happen all the time, and over trivial things, then it could be an issue. If not, then it’s something you can settle with each other in a healthy way.

Gray Divorce: Separation At All Stages

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people might consider divorce to be something more for younger couples. However, while divorce rates for younger people have been going down, they have actually been increasing for those over 50. This kind of divorce, known as gray divorce, occurs for several different reasons. Knowing these reasons can help you see what challenges marriages face as time goes on…

Gray Divorce: What It Is & Why It Happens

Drifting apart

Growing apart is one of the most common reasons for gray divorce. People are always changing as they grow older. Sometimes, this change can result in a disconnect between partners. Over time, they realize that they’ve changed from who they were when they first got married.

This change can show itself in several ways. Empty nest syndrome-the feeling of your home being empty after your child has left-is a common cause. After you’re no longer busy raising a child, you might question what you do now. Furthermore, retirement can also evoke similar feelings of realizing you no longer relate to your partner anymore.

Looking for something new

Feeling stuck in a “same old, same old” routine can leave you looking for something new. This same idea applies to marriage as well. If you feel like you’re just “going through the motions” of your marriage, then you might want to find some new things to do. For many couples, this results in them choosing a gray divorce.

As a person gets older, they might feel like it’s time to do all the things they’ve wanted to but never had the time for. However, their partner might not share that active mentality. When this disconnect occurs, a couple might realizes that it’s better to divorce rather than stay together.

Infidelity

Unfortunately, infidelity doesn’t stop as couples get older. Cheating is a major factor for couples who choose to get a gray divorce. However, there might be some different reasons for why an older person chooses to cheat compared to other ones.
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A person might choose to cheat because as they get older, they no longer find their partner attractive. They may also believe that finding someone younger can help them feel younger as well. This can ultimately lead to them cheating and a potential divorce.

High Conflict Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

While getting a divorce isn’t an easy decision, you’d hope that your spouse can handle it in a professional way. However, this isn’t always the case. Your spouse might react in any number of ways, and this can lead to problems during your divorce. For this reason, we’ve put together some key tips for spotting, and handling, a potentially high conflict divorce.

High Conflict Divorce: Potential Signs

How To Identify a High Conflict Spouse

To have a high conflict divorce, there’ll inevitably be one, or even two, high conflict spouse(s). But how can you tell if your spouse fits the bill? One method of understanding, is to ask yourself a few questions… Are you constantly defending yourself? Do you feel intimidated and afraid of making suggestions?

Am I frightened to have a conversation?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you might be facing a high conflict divorce. Afterwards, think about your spouse’s behavior. Are they unwilling to compromise? Do they constantly jump to conclusions, or try to escalate even small disagreements? These are all red flags of a high conflict spouse. Once you identify your spouse as high conflict, the next task will be doing what you can do in these tense situations.

Don’t Take Things Personally

When in a high conflict divorce, you might wonder how you didn’t see this coming, or what you should’ve done differently. However, this kind of thinking is counter-productive and possibly what your spouse wants you to do. If you focus too much on blaming yourself and letting what your spouse says get to you, then they may hope you’ll give up on the divorce or not fight for what you deserve. Remember, your marriage involved your spouse as well, and they also played a role in things not working out. Odds are anything they say to you is just a reflection of what they themselves feel they should’ve done differently.

Don’t Play Their Games

In a high conflict divorce, high conflict spouses gain their power from getting reactions out of you. Their ultimate goal is to get you angry and into arguments with the hope of making you into the “bad guy”. That way, they can flip the divorce onto you and make it seem like you’re the problem, not them. This is why it’s important to not play their games. Say your final words and don’t let them have anything else. They’ll realize soon enough that their tactics aren’t going to work on you.

Divorce takes a lot out of person, and high conflict divorces especially so. However, while it might be more difficult, it certainly isn’t impossible. Remember to keep your cool and you’re spouse will lose any power they think they might’ve had.