Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Your child’s anxiety about divorce might make you feel guilty, but remember that you’re making the best decision for them in the end. They should grow up with functional co-parents than constantly fighting married parents. Know some common ways that children show anxiety and be on the lookout. Remember that calendar, repetition, and routine are your friends. Talk it out with your children and be a sounding board for them when they have questions. And finally, reassure them constantly and give them time to adjust. This is a new lifestyle for them too, so it can take some getting used to. Kids are resilient though and typically adjust to new changes fairly quickly.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce: Help Through the Difficult Time

Signs of Anxiety

If you want to ease your child’s anxiety about divorce, it’s important to be able to recognize it first. Children show anxiety in many different ways and a lot depends on their age and personality. However, some classic signs of anxiety would be an increase in moodiness or if they get upset easily. Some children show more aggressive behavior than usual. And others regress with things like potty training or sleep. If you see any of these signs, it might indicate that your child is feeling some stress over the divorce.

Routine

Children thrive on routines. Your child’s anxiety about divorce likely stems from the change to their schedule and lifestyle. If you and your ex can keep your routines consistent no matter which house the children are in, it will help your kids. Try to keep their wake-up times, bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities the same throughout the divorce process and afterward. Having a routine that they can count on gives children a sense of confidence and security.

Talk it Out

Another important thing to help ease your child’s anxiety about divorce is to talk it out with them. Make sure that you are always open and honest with them if they have questions about the divorce. Some children want to talk and some get quiet. However, they must know they can come to you with any questions or problems.

Reassure Them

Finally, your child’s anxiety about divorce might stem from a feeling of guilt. Many children begin to think that a divorce is their fault even if there’s no reason to think this. Constantly reassure them that the divorce had nothing to do with them. Also, make sure to reassure them all the time about how much they are loved. Even older children need to hear this more often when they are going through a stressful time. Your child’s anxiety about divorce is perfectly normal and expected. Almost all children react in some way to the stress of their parents splitting up. However, children typically bounce back very quickly and get used to a new routine. Be on the lookout for classic signs of anxiety-like moodiness or regressions. Keep their routine as similar as possible so that they can depend on their schedule. Make sure that your children know they can always talk to you about the divorce. And finally, reassure them constantly about how much you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. And remember, you are making the best decision for them in the long run because you will hopefully be happier post-divorce, which is the best thing for kids to see.

How to Make Divorce Easier on Your Children

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It can be hard to know how to make divorce easier on your children. But divorce is incredibly hard on them as well as you. So it’s important to try and be aware of their needs and feelings. It’s important to reassure them frequently that the divorce is not related to them. In addition, always be a good listener when they want to talk about their feelings. Be a team with your ex, at least when it comes to the kids. Put aside your differences to make the transition easier for your children. And finally, get your children to help if they need it or ask for it. Divorce is hard on everybody, but your children will need your support.

How to Make Divorce Easier on Your Children: Help Your Kids Through It

Reassure Them

The most important thing to make divorce easier on your children is to constantly be reassuring. No matter what you or your partner tell them, children are very apt to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Tell them repeatedly that they are not to blame. You also need to reassure them that their lives will settle back down soon. The divorce process can be hard, but knowing that their schedule will be more predictable in the future is helpful for kids. And finally, reassure them of how much you love them. Even older children are going through an especially fragile time and will need to hear it often.

Listen to Them

Another way to make divorce easier on your children is to listen to them. Some kids are very hesitant to talk about their parents’ divorce. Others have lots of questions and want to discuss their feelings. Don’t try to force your children to talk to you if they don’t want to. But when they do choose to talk, be a good listener. They may say things that upset you, but try to put their feelings first and listen to everything they say.

Be a Team

Being a team player with your ex can be hard. But it can make divorce easier on your children in the end. You may have your differences, and you may feel that your ex is in the wrong. However, your children still see them as loving parents. It’s important not to bad-mouth them in front of your kids. This can upset your children greatly. Try to at least work with your ex when it comes to coordinating schedules for your children so that their schedule stays somewhat dependable.

Get them Help

Finally, make divorce easier on your children by getting them help if they need it. Some children just may not be able to express their emotions in a healthy way. Or be able to talk to you about their feelings. If this is the case, consider talking to a child therapist. They might be able to really help your kids work through their emotions. A therapist or psychologist can be a neutral party for them to who they may feel more comfortable opening up.

Divorce can be incredibly stressful on kids, so it’s important to try and make divorce easier on your children. Try to always reassure them they are not to blame and that you love them. In addition, be a good listener if they want to talk to you about their feelings. Put aside hurt feelings in order to work together with your ex to keep your children’s schedules reliable. And finally, get them professional help if they need it or if they ask for it. Remember that as an adult, you’re better equipped to handle your emotions. Your children will need your help getting through what can be a very stressful time in their lives.

Co-Parenting in the Time of Covid

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The Covid-19 virus has made life incredibly stressful for everybody. However, co-parenting in the time of Covid can add an entirely new layer of stress to parents. Having children going back and forth between two different households can be confusing. Especially since everybody should socially distance right now. Parents hopefully have a crisis plan in place for children. There are several considerations to think about when deciding how to split time. Open communication and modern technology can help you manage this crisis. Hopefully, the pandemic will lessen soon and everybody, including co-parents, can get back to life as normal.

Co-Parenting in the Time of Covid: Put the Kids First

Navigating a Crisis

Co-parenting in the time of Covid is like co-parenting in a crisis. Most co-parents have a plan in place if there were ever to be some sort of crisis. While you and your ex might disagree about a lot of things, hopefully, you can work together to navigate these tough times. Perhaps the stress of dealing with Covid can help you put aside more petty disagreements. If you don’t already have a plan like this in place, now is the time to make one. If ever we face another time like this, you’ll be more prepared. You can choose to continue the current parenting plan you have in place, or temporarily change things.

Things to Consider

There are many things to consider when co-parenting in the time of Covid. Since families are meant to be distancing, you might decide that your children should stay with one parent. Rather than being exposed to germs from separate households, you’ll keep your germs contained. When trying to decide which home the children should live at more, try to put aside your desire to “win”, and instead, focus on what is best for the kids. For example, maybe one parent is more set up for virtual schooling. Or perhaps one parent is an essential worker and comes into contact with more potential exposures. You might keep the children more at one parent’s house if the other has high-risk family members. And finally, consider the outdoor space at each parent’s home. Children need outdoor activities and room to run around now more than ever.

How to Manage

Co-parenting in the time of Covid relies on open communication between parents. Try to take your feelings out of consideration and think of what’s best for your children. And let your ex know if anything changes with your schedule or job. Dealing with a national pandemic requires flexibility from everybody to best adapt to a changing environment. Don’t forget that you can set up Zoom meetings or Facetime with your children when you aren’t with them. If both parents feel that they need to see the children equally, consider yourselves as a “bubble.” Each of you should take the same precautions at home and should be incredibly open and honest about any potential exposure.

Covid is hard for everybody, but co-parenting in the age of Covid can be a huge source of stress. You both want what’s best for your children, so sit down and have an honest conversation about how to handle the pandemic safely. Try to remember that you can use Zoom or outside drive-way hangouts to get some face-to-face time with your kids. There may be one parent who is better equipped to handle the ever-changing school plan or other social matters. In the future, it’s always best to have a plan in place for any sort of crisis. Hopefully, we won’t ever face another pandemic like this, but you’ll be prepared just in case. By communicating with your partner, you can help one another navigate this extremely stressful situation in a way that is best for your children.

The Pros and Cons Of Sole Custody: Weighing Options

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Custody battles are one of the most stressful things a couple can go through. There are pros and cons of sole custody versus joint custody. A lot depends on the situation and parents involved. You need to weigh the options and decide if seeing sole custody is the right decision for you, your children, and your ex-partner.

The Pros and Cons of Sole Custody: Is This The Right Move?

Positives of Sole Custody

When debating the pros and cons of sole custody, it is important to know the reason why you are seeking it. If there was abuse or neglect towards you or the children, then it might be best for them to be entirely in your care. Similarly, if there are substance abuses or severe mental illness that could impair somebody’s judgment, it might be safer to keep the children with one parent only. The positives in this instance would be that you could feel confident that your children are safe. Another positive is that if it’s only you making decisions for your children, you don’t have to discuss options with your ex. There can be less stress over important decisions.

Negatives of Sole Custody

Another thing to consider when debating the pros and cons of sole custody is that although you won’t have to run every decision by your partner, you also don’t have them to bounce ideas off of. If stressful situations arise with your kids, you won’t have the benefit of your partner’s advice. Another thing to consider is how overwhelming taking care of children full time alone can be. And of course, seeking sole custody can be a huge source of pain for the parent that loses custody. It can lead to feelings of resentment between you and your ex, as well as your children.

What to Do After You’ve Made Your Decision

After you’ve weighed the pros and cons of sole custody, you might have decided to seek sole or joint custody. If you are seeking joint custody, you and your ex will need to work out a schedule. This also might include finding new places to live or coordinating with child care and school pickups. If you have decided to seek sole custody, you’ll probably want to arrange some childcare help. You’ll need to have backup options for things like school pick-ups and taking children to activities. In case you get sick or work keeps you busy, you’ll need to know who to call for emergency childcare. You also might want to look into help since you are now the sole caregiver, which can be overwhelming.

There are many pros and cons of sole custody. Make sure you weigh the pros and cons to yourself, your children, and your ex-spouse. Seeking sole custody can cause a lot of emotions, so be sure of your decision before you seek it. Once you’ve decided which route to go, try to prepare things in advance as much as possible. This will hopefully make the transition easier for the kids. The most important thing is that you work out a situation where your children are happy and supported.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year, filled with family, food and cheer. However, in plenty of cases, this is not the situation. Many find the holidays to be stressful, chaotic, and often painful. Some have lost loved ones, and families may be split apart. The holidays can be a real time of conflict. So how do we deal with our ex-partner and all of these pressures as you are trying to coordinate the holidays? It takes a lot of coordination to make sure each parent gets their time with the children, while still making everyone happy and ensuring everyone gets to see them. While it may seem challenging, it is possible to co-parent over the holidays.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays: Working Out the Arrangements

Be Realistic

When you have to co-parent over the holidays, have realistic expectations. Unless you want to spend the holidays with your ex, you can not expect that you will always get to have your kids with you on the exact holidays. Remember that December 24 and 25 are just dates, and that you can still have a wonderful time even if you have to celebrate a little before or after. Also, you will have to keep in mind that you may not be able to have your kids visit with every single relative for the holidays. It is much more important for your children to be able to share the holidays with their other parent than see a far distant relative. If you go ahead and have reasonable expectations set, you will enjoy the season much more.

Traditions

It is no secret that traditions help make the season special. Children often have fond memories of family traditions they enjoyed. Keep in mind that a divorce does not mean that all of the fun traditions have to be over. Some family traditions may be too painful to continue. Be mindful of this, and only do what is appropriate for your situation and your family. Additionally, you should also create new traditions that are fun for everyone to enjoy. It is okay for you to hold onto some old traditions and create new ones when you have to co-parent over the holidays.

Communication

Whatever you do, communicate with the other parent before making or changing plans. Do you best to come up with a schedule to spend time with the kids, whether together or separate. Things can get more complicated if there are misunderstandings or miscommunications. Try to come up with a reasonable schedule for the holidays. Then, present it to your ex as soon as possible. Work through this to make sure this setup works best for both of you.

How-to Manage Having Split Custody of Your Kids

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

In some divorce arrangements, parents may end up with split custody of their children. Split custody is different than joint custody. This is a child custody arrangement in which one parent has sole custody of one or more children. Then, the other parent has sole custody of the remaining siblings. This arrangement can be difficult for both the parents and the children. If this applies to you, learn how to manage having split custody of your kids.

How-to Manage Having Split Custody of Your Kids: Divorce Arrangements

Difficulties

Having split custody of your kids can be difficult. One of the hardest parts about it is that your kids may never actually get to see one another. If one child spends all week at moms, while the other spends all week at dads, and they switch on the weekend, they will never be together. Going to living with only one parent at a time can be a big change for children. Compound that with also no longer living with their siblings too, and that makes it even more of an adjustment.

Benefits

On the other hand, there can be some benefits of having split custody of your kids. For example, this could be beneficial if one child is combative or physically or emotionally abusive to the other. In this case, it may be best to have both of the siblings separated. Another example is if one child has special needs. Depending on how severe the disabilities are, one parent may need to solely focus on taking care of the child with special needs. A parent who works away from home full-time likely would not be able to take care of a special needs child in the same way a stay-at-home parent can.

In some cases, if there are large age gaps between siblings, each may prefer to live with a different parent. Another situation is if one parents lives close to a special school that would be beneficial for one child, that child may choose to live with that parent. For example, if there is a really good school of the arts, and a child really wants to be in that program, they may decide to live at the house closest to that school. This could also apply to certain schools for kids with physical or learning disabilities.

There are definitely pros and cons to having split custody of your kids. However, if you make decisions with your children’s best interest in mind, you can manage this unusual situation.

Co-Parenting Positivity

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce is pretty tough, especially if you have to transition into being a co-parent. This can make it hard to feel optimistic about the future. However, it’s key that you try and focus on some co-parenting positivity. Having a positive outlook will help make your experience a lot easier…

 Co-Parenting Positivity: Keep Optimistic

Consider what you’re thankful for

A great way to create some co-parenting positivity is by considering all the things you’re thankful for. It’s easy to focus on all the negatives after a divorce. While you didn’t plan for this situation, there’s still plenty of things you can appreciate.

For instance, you can be thankful that your kids are healthy and that you can still be a parent to them. You can also be grateful for the new opportunities you have following your divorce. When you feel down, take some time to reflect on what’s going good for you. This is a great way to avoid having negativity get into your co-parenting.

Take care of yourself

Keeping healthy is also another good way to maintain some co-parenting positivity. When we feel bad physically, we also tend to feel bad mentally. This can then make it harder for you to co-parent as well as you may like. Getting into some healthy habits can be handy for avoiding this.

Simple things like eating healthier and drinking more water can go a long way in improving your mood. Exercising and getting plenty of sleep will also do the same. You may wonder how this will help you co-parent. However, being well-rested and energized really helps you keep a positive attitude and clear mind.

Talk about what’s important

Communication is always important for any co-parenting plan. Still, what you talk about can be important for your co-parenting positivity. Talking about things unrelated to your kids, especially about your personal life, can quickly put you into a sour mood.

To avoid this, it helps to focus your talks solely on your kids. Keep your conversations brief, with the main topic being about how the kids are doing. After all, you both view your kids as important. Keeping your talks centered around them can help you feel positive and avoid arguments.

Parenting Time: Handle Disputes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Once you have put together a co-parenting plan, it can be difficult when your co-parent doesn’t follow it. In particular, it gets frustrating when their actions impact your parenting time. When these disputes arise, it’s important to know how to settle them. That way, you can get back on track and spend that time with your kids…

Parenting Time: Managing Issues

Find the disconnect

Usually, issues with parenting time are due to miscommunication. Somewhere along the way, you and your co-parent ended up on different pages. However, many times they don’t do this on purpose. Rather, it was just a genuine mistake on their part.

That’s why you should avoid trying to pick a fight with them when this issue starts happening. Instead, try and talk to them about what’s going on. It’s possible that they didn’t realize the mistake due to that miscommunication and can quickly fix it with no drama involved.

Re-evaluate the plan

Your parenting time disputes could also be caused by your co-parenting plan. It might be the case that your plan isn’t working as you had originally hoped. As a result, it’s causing problems with how much time you can get with the kids.

In this case, you’ll both want to take another look at your plan. Now that you have tried it out, you can more clearly see what isn’t working and make changes. It may even be easier to scrap the plan entirely and try out something new which’ll better match your new schedules.

Be flexible

Flexibility is important for any co-parenting plan. It’s also a good way to handle parenting time disputes. Certain unexpected situations can make it harder for your co-parent to fully stick with your plan. However, these may just be temporary setbacks for them until they get things back under control.

Therefore, try and be flexible with them as they get reoriented. So long as it doesn’t become a constant thing, it’s okay for there to be a slight change in your plans. Plus, you doing them a favor now makes it more likely for them to do the same when you need some extra help down the line.

Co-Parenting Boundaries: What To Establish

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s always important to set up good, healthy boundaries after your divorce. However, if you’re going to be co-parenting, then you’ll need some specific co-parenting boundaries as well. These boundaries can really help you have a more pleasant co-parenting experience…

Co-Parenting Boundaries: Key Areas

Conversations

It’s important to have good co-parenting boundaries for your conversations. Healthy communication is crucial for any co-parenting plan. If you can’t talk to one another, then it’ll quickly cause issues for you both when it comes to trying to co-parent.

Having some boundaries regarding your conversations can help prevent these issues. Mainly, you want to keep your conversations focused on the kids, and avoid trying to pry into their personal life. You might even find it’s better to keep your conversations through text or phone calls as an extra step to avoid tensions.

Pick-ups & drop-offs

You’ll also want to have good co-parenting boundaries when doing pick-ups and drop-offs. While these might seem pretty simple, the truth is they can be more difficult than you think. Seeing your ex again can bring up strong emotions, which could end up causing you to argue in front of the kids.

That kind of fighting can be traumatic to your kids, who might think that they’re somehow responsible for your fighting. Therefore, you should make sure these times are focused solely on having the kids move from one household to another. If you really do need to talk to your co-parent about something, do it later and in private away from the kids.

New partners

New partners tend to always make co-parenting a little bit trickier than it was before. If your partner starts seeing someone new, then you probably won’t be too fond of this new person at first. Your ex could act the same should you move on and begin dating first as well.

This is why the best thing to do is set up co-parenting boundaries which limit the involvement of these new partners. After all, your agreement was between you and your ex. Keep these new partners out of it for the most part, and wait until things begin to calm down before either of you try and introduce them properly to the other.

Father’s Day Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many holidays tend to be a bit hard to celebrate after a divorce. A Father’s Day post-divorce is one of those holidays which will require you to navigate a bit differently. However, there are some things you can do to make the day enjoyable for everyone…

Father’s Day Post-Divorce: Make It A Success

Talk to the kids

It’s good to talk to your kids about how a Father’s Day post-divorce will be different than it usually is. Many kids struggle to enjoy these special days because of the divorce. Things tend to feel a little sad for them as they remember that they can’t really celebrate them as they used to before the divorce.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to talk to them about that. Let them know it’s okay if they feel a bit sad, and that you feel sad too. However, be sure to remind them how important they are to you and that you’ll be there for them. This can really help them get back into a better mood.

Try some fun activities

A Father’s Day post-divorce should also involve some fun activities for you and the kids. Just doing nothing may be relaxing for you, but your kids will feel a bit left out. This isn’t something you want to happen, especially coming off of a divorce.

Rather, come up with some things that they can do with you to celebrate the day. They don’t need to be anything complex, but just things you can all enjoy doing together. You can even let the kids try and plan things out! Doing these types of activities are a great way for you and your kids to improve your bond, which the divorce may have strained.

Don’t sweat gifts

Gifts are something which can be a bit tricky for a Father’s Day post-divorce. Younger kids tend to usually make something themselves and give it as a gift. For older kids, though, they usually have the other parent take care of things. This could no longer be possible now after your divorce.

That’s why you won’t want to sweat any gifts, and make sure your kids know that. They could feel guilty if they show up empty-handed, so let them know the thing which really matters to you is spending time with them. Still, if they’re adamant that they want a gift, try to have a grandparent, aunt, or uncle help them pick something out.