Sometimes, giving yourself permission for a divorce is harder than you might think. We often feel pressure to stay in relationships that don’t work out just for the sake of appearances. But letting go of your preconceived notions and allowing yourself the freedom to make the decision is important. It’s okay to listen to the input of others, but ultimately, the decision needs to be yours alone. Furthermore, if you have family members that are not supportive, you’ll need to establish some healthy boundaries. While it can be intimidating, there are many positives on the other side of divorce. For example, you are getting out of a negative relationship, freeing yourself up to focus on your own priorities, and getting to strike out on a new path that will hopefully make you happier.
Giving Yourself Permission for a Divorce: Letting Go of Preconceived Notions
Why It’s Difficult
Giving yourself permission for a divorce can be more difficult than you might think because we often have so many preconceived notions of what marriage should look like. There is societal pressure to make your relationship work out. While the stigma of divorce is lessening, you still might face awkward questions from friends and family. Sometimes, letting go of the future that you imagined for yourself can be incredibly hard, even if things aren’t working well. So sometimes, giving yourself that freedom to pursue a divorce is the hardest step of the whole process.
Making The Decision Yours Alone
Your friends and family will likely have some strong ideas about your marriage, but giving yourself permission for a divorce is your decision alone. Try not to let others influence you, because they don’t really know the ins and outs of your relationship. Nobody knows what’s going on behind closed doors. If you are considering pursuing a divorce, you need to sit down and weigh your options without input from others first.
Fighting Stigma
You might also face some stigma or judgement from friends and family members. Especially older family members that might be from a generation where divorce was not common. Again though, your decisions are yours to make. If your friends or family are not respecting your decision, then you’ll need to set some boundaries with them. For example, “I don’t want to discuss the divorce with you at this time. If you can’t be respectful of that decision, then we need to take some time apart.”
The Positives
While giving yourself permission for a divorce can feel scary, there are actually a lot of positives to making the decision. You are prioritizing your happiness, and you can now focus on the things that you want to focus on. For example, now is the time to pursue hobbies or friendships that you have neglected. It’s also a great time to really work on your self-confidence and self-care. Furthermore, if you have children, you are showing that it’s okay to step away from a relationship if it isn’t the right fit. Getting through the formality of the divorce is a long process, but on the other side of it, you will hopefully feel relief and at peace with your decision.
Considering divorce is a big deal, and it’s something that can weigh heavily on you. If you are waffling back and forth, sometimes, giving yourself permission for a divorce can be the hardest step to take. But once you do decide, you’ll have a clear path moving forward for what you need to do next. Let go of your preconceived notions, or any pressure you feel to keep a relationship going just for the sake of appearances. It’s hard to let go of the future that you’ve always imagined with your partner. But if your relationship isn’t bringing you happiness, that future is lost anyway. Make the decision on your own, without worrying about judgement from friends and family. If they are unsupportive of your decision, you might need to set some boundaries or even take a break from interacting with them until the dust settles. While it’s scary, the positives are that you can now follow your own path and prioritize your own needs. Plus, you can model healthy relationship-seeking for your children, and maybe even meet somebody new that is a better fit for you and can give you the future you’ve always wanted.
