Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The idea of starting the divorce conversation with your spouse can be painful to consider. However, most people tend to reach a breaking point in their relationship when they decide firmly that they do not want to continue the marriage. If you are at that point, it might be a good idea to speak to an attorney first to understand the legal process of divorce. Make sure that you are certain about your decision because you cannot unring the divorce bell. Pick the right time and place when there won’t be interruptions and try to keep the conversation calm. Your spouse might react in several different ways, but it’s important to stand firm and explain your reasoning. Hopefully, you and your ex will be in mutual agreement and can proceed with an amicable divorce.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin the Talk with Your Spouse

Speak to an Attorney First

Many find it helpful to speak to an attorney before starting the divorce conversation. In some states, you’ll need to do a period of separation before you can begin the divorce process. An attorney can help you figure out what the steps are in your state. They can also help you decide if there are any steps you’ll want to take ahead of time to protect your assets before bringing up a divorce if you worry that your spouse might react badly. Having an idea of what you’re getting into can be a great place to start.

Make Sure that You Are Sure

Before starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you are certain about your decision. This is a bell that you cannot unring, so make sure that you won’t change your mind. For example, don’t decide on divorce in the heat of an argument. Rather, take a lot of time to think about all of the repercussions. It can also be helpful to speak with a relationship counselor to make sure that there aren’t ways to work through your problems.

Picking the Right Time

If you’ve considered it carefully and want to move forward with starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you pick your timing carefully. Find a time when you will not be interrupted. If you have small children, find childcare for them. In addition, make sure that you have plenty of time set aside for the conversation. For example, don’t try to spring it on your partner as they rush out the door for work. And finally, don’t bring up divorce in the middle of a heated argument. Instead, you’ll want to find a time when both you and your spouse are in a calm mental space.

Having the Talk

When you finally decide it’s time for starting the divorce conversation, just know that your partner might react in many different ways. For example, they might get upset, angry, or completely surprised. It’s important to keep your tone neutral and calm so that you can have a productive conversation. You want to make sure that you can explain yourself fully, so try not to let yourself get sidetracked by extreme emotions. In addition, if you are set in your decision, convey that. Don’t waver or act uncertain, but instead be firm with what you want.

Starting the divorce conversation is an overwhelming thing to consider. Divorce is a big deal, and not a decision that you should come to light. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you make sure that this is the decision you want to make. In addition, it can also help to speak to an attorney beforehand so that you know what to expect out of the divorce process. Once you are certain about your decision, picking your timing is important. Finally, when you begin the conversation, try to make sure that you are firm but calm. Nobody wants to go through the stressful divorce process, however, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be much worse. Hopefully, you and your partner can move forward with separation and divorce in mutual agreement.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are several possible living arrangements after divorce if you and your ex are sharing custody of your children. You’ll each want to be equally involved in their lives. And it’s best to find a solution that doesn’t disrupt their normal life any more than necessary. Some parents opt to keep their original home and let one parent live there while the other rents another place. There are also situations where both parents choose to find their own spaces. However, some more unconventional ideas might work better. Nesting involves parents sharing a home on different days. And finally, double nesting means that parents live as roommates. Figuring out which solution works best for your family will depend on finances, location, and your co-parenting relationship.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce: Finding the Best Fit for Shared Custody

One Parent Moves Out

The most conventional of the types of living arrangements after divorce is when one parent keeps the house and the other moves out. In this situation, the parent moving out typically rents another space. The children then go back and forth between the two homes. This works well for many families because kids get to stay in a home that is familiar to them at least part of the time.

Both Parents Find New Homes

Another possible living arrangement after divorce is for both parents to find new places to live. Oftentimes families choose this option if the payments on their home are very expensive and it makes more sense financially to rent smaller, cheaper places. In this situation, children would still move back and forth between the two homes.

Nesting

Nesting is one of the less conventional living arrangements after divorce that is gaining a lot of popularity. In this situation, the children live full-time in their original home. The parents each take turns living in that home with them. Parents might share another location or each has a separate living space for when they are not living in the home with their children. This option allows your children to live in their homes without disruption or the need to shuffle back and forth.

Double Nesting

Finally, while most living arrangements after divorce involve the parents living separately, some families choose something called double nesting. This is when both parents stay in the home with their children and designate separate living quarters within the home that are their own. In this situation, the parents essentially live like roommates sharing a home and children. This is a tricky arrangement that only works if the parents can get along well and co-parent peacefully.

While there are many different living arrangements after divorce, your family might need to consider many variables when deciding which makes the most sense for you. Many families decide to allow one parent to stay in the home while the other parent rents their own space. Others choose to both move-out and find new homes. Both of these situations involve shuffling kids back and forth between two houses. However, if you and your ex do not want to re-locate your children, you can choose to try nesting and each share the home some of the time with your kids. Or if you feel like you can get along well as roommates, double nesting might be for you. However you decide to handle your post-divorce living situation, your children will probably adjust quickly. Hopefully, you can quickly find the solution that works best for your family.

Recovering Financially After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Recovering financially after divorce can be a lengthy process. Divorce is very expensive and can leave you in a very different financial situation than before you started. So it’s important to take stock once the dust settles and see where you are with your finances. Figure out your credit score, and work on rebuilding credit if it’s low. Create a budget and try to stick to it as much as possible. And remember to focus on your savings account so that you are prepared for emergencies and unexpected expenses. It can be helpful to get help from a financial advisor to create a realistic budget. Hopefully, you can begin building up your credit and putting away money for savings.

Recovering Financially After Divorce: Moving On without Going into Debt

Take Stock

After you’ve given yourself a little time to heal, it’s important to take stock of where you are once the divorce is final. Your living situation might have changed as well as your expenses and income. Therefore, it’s helpful to create a list of all of your assets, debts, income, and savings. Figuring out what’s coming in versus going out can help you with recovering financially after divorce.

Find Your Credit Score

Another important aspect of recovering financially after divorce is to figure out your credit score. Your score might change now that you and your ex have separate accounts. And your credit score is very important when you need to make decisions about housing or vehicles. Check your score, and if it’s low, look into ways to bring it up. Make sure to always pay bills on time and pay them in full.

Create a Budget

Now that you are living on your own, you need to create a budget for yourself. This might look very different than the budget that you and your ex shared. It can be helpful when recovering financially after divorce to put yourself on a limited budget to build up your savings. Try to cut back on unnecessary spending like eating out or purchases. At least for a little while until you can get more stable.

Focus on Savings

Finally, when recovering financially after divorce, focus on your savings. It’s important to have healthy savings account so that you are prepared for emergencies. Or for unexpected expenses like medical bills, car maintenance, or house repairs. It’s just you now, so you need to have a safety net for yourself. Focus on an emergency fund first, then move on to saving for things like vacations. Recovering financially after divorce can be a stressful process, and might be an eye-opener if you’ve never lived on your own. It can be scary to go from two incomes to one or to lose the support of a spouse’s income. However, you will find your way soon enough. Take stock of all of your spending and savings once the dust has settled from your divorce. Figure out your credit score and start working on building it up if it’s a little low. Create a budget and try to stick to it as closely as you can. This way, you’ll be able to build up your savings so that you’re prepared for emergencies. Hopefully, you will figure out your finances and become stable quickly as you build your savings up.