marriage counseling Archives - Anderson Divorce Attorney

Many people wonder what happens during marriage counseling. If you and your partner are thinking about going to a counselor, you might want to know what you can expect to learn. Of course, everything depends on the couple and the therapist. However, there are a few things that you will likely learn with almost any counselor. One of these is communication. You’ll probably also cover some conflict resolution. Many counselors give you real tools for dealing with difficult life stages. They also might encourage you to keep coming throughout your marriage. And finally, it’s also important to know that marriage counseling is not a place for venting. It’s a place to come together and learn to be in a healthier marriage. Hopefully, you’ll learn valuable tools to help make your marriage as strong as possible.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling? What to Expect to Learn

Communication

Everybody knows that good communication is the basis of any healthy marriage. However, it often takes marriage counseling for couples to understand how to do it. People communicate differently than each other. You and your partner might have very different styles. Things can get lost in translation if this is the case. Or blown out of proportion. A therapist can help you figure out how to better communicate with each other. And also how to better listen to each other. Not just the words you use but the hidden meaning behind them that is based on your particular style of communication.

Conflict-Resolution

Another important tool that you will hopefully learn in marriage counseling is conflict resolution. Just like communication, people also fight differently. One partner might want to talk about issues whereas the other wants to ignore them. Learning to address your problems healthily and respectfully is key. But it can also be hard to learn. A marriage counselor might be able to smooth things over since they will be able to see both sides of a conflict.

Advice for Difficult Life Stages

Marriage counseling should also provide you with tools for handling tough life stages. Many people recommend marriage counseling when your relationship is struggling. But it’s also helpful to go when it’s healthy. If you are going through a tough life stage, a counselor can be very helpful. Transition periods, adultery, or dealing with grief are examples of life stages that they can help you through. Hopefully, they’ll give you some tools for healthily channeling your emotions and communicating them with your partner. They will also likely encourage you to come back if anything comes up in your marriage that you feel you need help navigating.

Not a Venting Session

Finally, while it’s important to know what a counseling session involves, it’s also important to know what a counseling session doesn’t involve. And that is ranting. A counseling session is not a place to vent all your frustrations with your spouse and expect a counselor to side with you. Or expect them to only address your partner’s issues. You might feel that the problems are one-sided. But likely, a counselor will help you to see that there is usually fault on both sides. And also usually room for improvement on both sides. Marriage counseling is a valuable tool for any healthy relationship. While each therapist and couple are different, your sessions should include some of the same ideas. For example, communication is likely to be a hot topic. You’ll also probably work on conflict resolution. Many counselors give you advice for tough life stages. They’ll probably also ask you to come back periodically to check in. And finally, it’s good to know in advance that this is not a place to rant. A counselor is more interested in helping you grow than hearing complaints. Hopefully, they’ll help you learn to trust one another and open up more. Marriage counseling can give you the tools to help you work together to make and keep your relationship as strong as possible.

Marriage Counseling: When to Call it Quits

Checking all the Boxes

For starters, marriage should be what’s right for you and your spouse. For example, do the both of you want counseling? Are the both of you aware of what problems need addressing? Additionally, do the both of you believe your counselor is the best fit for you? Checking all of these boxes is part of what makes marriage counseling successful. If it hasn’t been working, make sure to see that you’ve checked all the boxes.

Time

Just like for most things, time is one of the most important parts of marriage counseling. With some couples, their marriage is already improving after a handful of sessions. However, with other couples, they may go to counseling for years and still cannot resolve their problems. Ultimately, basing how much time has passed with progress is only something that can be done by the couple. The two of you are the only ones who can honestly say whether or not something is working in the time you’ve had.

Are Your Hearts in It?

No matter what, marriage counseling shouldn’t happen unless both spouses are on board. That means, both spouses have to want the counseling and be serious about going to sessions and doing their homework. If not, then counseling most likely won’t work.

On the flip side, the both of you could be passionate about going but lack of success has hindered you. In that case, there is a chance you can increase your morale. Focus, instead on the lack of success, but that you have someone that wants to work things out with you. However, if the two of you genuinely don’t think counseling is working, then it may be time to stop.

Marriage counseling is helpful but tricky. If all the variables aren’t right, things can get messy. However, as long both spouses are using their time properly and still want counseling, everything could work. Sadly, that doesn’t always mean it will work. Communicate with your partner throughout this process. Therefore, it’ll make this whole process clearer.