How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Switching from being married to being co-parents after a divorce isn’t always easy. Many former couples struggle with making the transition. While mistakes will happen, there are some co-parenting mistakes you’ll want to do your best to avoid. Doing so will help make your experience a lot smoother…

How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes: Common Issues

Picking fights

One of the most common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents start to pick fights. It’s understandable that tensions may be a bit high following your divorce. As such, when you have to meet your co-parent, it can be tough to be totally relaxed. This is especially true if your co-parent is seemingly going out of their way to push your buttons.

A good way to avoid these fights is by waiting until you both cool off to meet in person. Instead, you can keep in touch via texts or phone calls. It’s also important for both of you to recognize when you’re in the wrong. Apologize after saying rude, even if your other co-parent doesn’t, to set a good example for your kids.

Forgetting the point

Another of the common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents lose sight of their goals. Instead of trying to be good co-parents to their kids, they instead try and gain an “upper hand” over their ex. This ends up causing a power struggle to develop. Now, each co-parent will try and make requests or demands for their own benefit, rather than for the kids.

Remember that co-parenting isn’t a competition. Your kids will need both of you to be positive influences in their lives. If they see you fighting and acting like that, you’ll be leaving a bad impression. Therefore, you and your co-parent need to be willing to work together for the benefit of your kids.

Bad communication

Many co-parenting mistakes are caused by bad communication. It could be that you and your co-parent barely talk to one another. This can end up causing a lot of miscommunication, leaving you or them out of the loop. As a result, this tends to cause a lot of tension and subsequent arguments.

Good communication is crucial to any co-parenting arrangement. As such, you and your co-parent should remain in regular contact. Even just simple texts or calls will go a long way in clearing things up and making sure everyone is on the same page.

The Four Co-parenting C’s

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are plenty of mistakes that every co-parent will make. After all, we’re all new to this at some point in time, and there are always growing pains. The key to being a good co-parent, is keeping a few key goals in mind. From communication, to compromise, and beyond— the Four Co-parenting C’s are something every divorced parent must observe, and perfect, to become the co-parent we all want to be. No one said it’s easy, but it’s undeniably worth it.

The Four Co-parenting C’s to Perfect for Your Kids 

Cooperation

When it comes to mastering co-parenting, cooperation is at the center of it all. While you two divorced for a reason, you also have to find ways to put that aside for your children. You’ll have to manage school, appointments, birthday parties, family gatherings, sick days, pick-up and drop-off, and many manyother things as a unit. The key to successful cooperation, is to plan ahead of time— but also be flexible. The more committed you are to cooperating for your kids, the more likely you are to be successful at it.

Compromise

One of the most difficult things to do as a divorced parent, and co-parent, is to compromise with your former spouse. No matter how hard we try, it’s extremely easy to be spiteful when it comes to your ex, even when kids are involved. But, as a parent, you always have to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Maybe this weekend was supposed to be yours, but your former spouse’s mother has fallen extremely ill. Your ex asks if you will let the child spend the weekend with them so they can visit in the hospital. 

While your instinct might be to say no out of spite, consider if it was the other way around. Your mother is ill, she might pass, and you want your child to be able to say goodbye. By giving a little in the right moments, you and your former spouse might be able to form a new kind of respect, and become better co-parents in the long run.

Consistency

As we’ve mentioned, there will always be growing pains as you learn how to co-parent outside of a marriage, but consistency is key. By maintaining routines for your child from one household to the other, you give them a sense of security that might have been wavering after the separation. By setting uniform expectations, you make things easier for your children. Not to mention, you also avoid that infamous “but, Mom/Dad lets me…”

Communication

We always save this one for last because it’s the most important, and the most difficult to master. Chances are, your inability to communicate with one another played at least a small part in your divorce. So, how are we supposed to get better at it now? Quite simply put, because you have to. In communicating effectively, you set a strong example for your children and avoid conflict. Conduct yourselves in a business-like fashion because, after all, you’re colleagues in the business of raising your children. So, be courteous to the co-parent as if they are a co-worker.
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As you consider the Four Co-parenting C’s, you might begin to discover what you’ve been excelling at. Furthermore, you might also discover what you need to work on. Every parent, whether divorced or together, can inevitably improve their tactics in one way or another— and there’s no shame in saying it. However, there is admirability in admitting your faults and improving upon them.

Pet Ownership During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Pet ownership during divorce can be a heated and complicated subject. Our pets become like important members of the family. So if you are considering a divorce you might be wondering: what happens to the dog? Pets are considered property, so a judge will divvy them up as an asset, just like any other asset in your marriage. If you want to protect your ownership of an animal that you bring into the marriage, you might want to investigate a pet prenuptial agreement. Many couples find creative ways to share custody of pets, but it’s important to consider what is best for your animal. If you are agonizing over the thought of your pet going through divorce, you are not alone. But the important thing is to provide plenty of love during this transition period.

Pet Ownership During Divorce: Who Gets the Dog?

Pets as Property

While we might think of our pets as members of our family, pet ownership during divorce is a little more straight-forward. Pets are property. When considering all of your assets, any animals will be thrown into the mix just like other property. If you and your ex are struggling to decide who gets the dog, a judge might have to make the decision for you. They’ll probably take into account if one of you brought the pet into the marriage, as well as other factors.

Pet Prenup

If you don’t want to struggle with anxiety over pet ownership during divorce, you might consider a pet prenup. A prenuptial agreement is a legal contract between two people that are intending to marry that outlines what will happen to assets in the event of a divorce. If you are bringing a pet into your marriage, you can outline in a prenup that the pet is yours in the event of a breakup.

Custody Arrangements

Pet ownership during divorce can get a little complicated, but ultimately, one spouse will have ownership in the end. However, this doesn’t mean that you and your ex cannot arrange your own pet custody agreement. Many couples choose to share custody of animals and allow the pet to go back and forth between their houses.

What’s Best for the Animal?

While many couples choose to share custody of their pets, it’s important to make sure that this is an arrangement that works for your animal. Some pets do fine going back and forth every week or every month between owners. For others, it can be stressful. You and your ex should keep your schedules as consistent as possible as far as eating and sleeping times. However, it’s important to make the decision that is best for your pet’s overall happiness. Pet custody during divorce is no small matter. Couples get incredibly heated and passionate about choosing who gets to keep the animal during a break-up. In fact, some couples are hesitant to even consider divorce because of the stress of figuring out what to do with their pet. Animals are considered property in a divorce, so a judge will make a ruling about who ultimately keeps them. However, many couples choose to work out a shared custody arrangement so that each can spend time with the dog or cat. If you are anxious, you might consider a pet prenup if you are bringing an animal into the marriage. Hopefully, you and your ex can find the solution that works best for you, and for you pet.

Divorce Court: Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Divorce court can be a long and arduous process. Even just the thought of going through the divorce process might have you feeling anxious and stressed out. To make the experience as positive as possible, it’s helpful to put your best foot forward and make the best first impressions that you can. Hire an attorney to represent your interests and protect yourself financially as soon as you can. Let go of the idea of “winning” and instead focus on prioritizing the things you care most about. Avoid trash-talking your ex, especially on social media. And finally, when you are actually in court, practice basic etiquette to start things out on a positive note. Hopefully, by setting yourself up for success you’ll be able to get the settlement you want and deserve.

Divorce Court: Putting Your Best Foot Forward to Get the Best Outcome

Hire an Attorney

The first step in improving your divorce court experience is to hire an attorney to represent your interests. They can walk you through the divorce process, help you gather materials, and help you present a case. Hire somebody as quickly as you can so that they can help you protect yourself financially and make the strongest case possible.

Let Go of “Winning”

It’s also helpful to let go of the idea of “winning” your divorce. In divorce court, there are no winners. Instead, focus on prioritizing the things that you care most about. Let go of petty squabbles and don’t let yourself get sucked into nit-picking over small details. Focus on your main goals and fight hard for them without getting distracted. Find ways to compromise whenever possible to make things less contentious.

Avoid Trash-Talking

Another thing that can help improve your divorce court experience is to avoid trash-talking your ex. Especially on social media. While it might feel good to vent to the world at large, it can get you into trouble. If word gets back to your ex, which it probably will, it can make them more contentious. It can also have harmful effects on any child custody battles because it might make a judge question whether or not you can co-parent peacefully in the future.

Court Etiquette

Finally, when facing divorce court, it’s important to know basic legal etiquette. Your attorney can walk you through the details, but you should plan to dress conservatively and professionally. Avoid loud clothing, accessories, or hairstyles. When in court, address the judge with the correct title, and always show respect to them and other members of the court. Don’t interrupt or cause distractions, and answer politely when asked questions. Divorce court is never fun for anybody. However, you can make your experience more positive by setting yourself up for success from the start. Hire an attorney as soon as you know that a divorce is inevitable so that you can begin protecting yourself legally and financially. Let go of the idea that anybody will come out on top and instead focus on the things you care about most. Avoid bashing your ex to avoid making things more contentious. And finally, dress the part and act politely when you are actually in court to make the best first impression. Hopefully, the divorce process will be as quick and stress-free as possible.

Marriage Counseling Techniques

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are many marriage counseling techniques that you can bring into your everyday life to strengthen your relationship. While going to therapy is the most helpful thing, if that’s not doable now, you can try at-home practices with these tried-and-true methods for increasing intimacy. Improve your communication with reflective listening, or explore each other’s love languages. Learning conflict resolution is very important for any relationship, especially a marriage. And sometimes, exploring childhood trauma through methods like Imago therapy can help you better understand your partner. Hopefully, you can use some of these techniques to strengthen your marriage and explore deeper parts of your relationship.

Marriage Counseling Techniques to Strengthen Your Relationship

Reflective Listening

While everybody knows that it’s important to be a good listener, one of the marriage counseling techniques that is quite helpful is learning to reflectively listen. This means that as your partner is talking, you can reflect on them your understanding. Actively listen to what they’re saying, and engage back with questions or discussion. You can also practice “I” language, which means stating things from your point of view rather than as observations. For example, you might say “I feel hurt when I say that” instead of “You shouldn’t say that.”

Love Languages

Exploring your love languages is another of the marriage counseling techniques that you can easily incorporate into your relationship. The idea is that everybody has a specific way of expressing and receiving affection. It might be through words of affirmation, gifts, spending quality time, acts of service, or being physically tough. Understanding your partner’s love language can help you both better communicate your affection for one another.

Conflict Resolution

One of the main reasons why people seek out therapists is to find marriage counseling techniques for conflict resolution. Often, it’s helpful to put yourself in your partner’s shoes to try to empathize with why they are feeling the way they are. Taking some time to reflect on the bigger picture of your lives together to decide if a fight is worth dwelling on, or finding compromises that work for both are also helpful ways to resolve conflict.

Imago Therapy

Finally, one of the marriage counseling techniques that can be explored a little bit at home is the Imago therapy method. This method is based on the idea that childhood experiences can influence our decisions as adults. Together, you and your partner can explore your childhoods to deepen your understanding of one another and hopefully, bring you closer. Marriage counseling is one of the best resources for a couple to strengthen their relationship. Whether you’re going through a rough patch or are feeling confident in your marriage, a therapist can still help you better communicate with one another. However, you can also practice some marriage counseling techniques together at home like practicing reflective listening. Or explore your love languages together – you can even take a quiz online to find out what your languages are. Working on conflict resolution and exploring your childhoods can also bring you closer as a couple. Whether it’s smooth sailing or rough waters in your marriage, counseling can be hugely beneficial in giving you the tools to make your relationship last.

Making the Most of Mediation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Mediation is a step that many couples take that can help prevent them from facing a full divorce trial in court. Agreeing to terms in mediation can help you keep costs lower and can expedite things. To make it successful, it’s important to remember to look at the bigger picture and not get bogged down by petty details. However, not all couples can settle their disagreements. So for some, mediation is a step along the way to divorce court. If you do decide to move forward with litigation, having an experienced attorney by your side can help you get the settlement you deserve.

Making the Most of Mediation: Getting What You Need

Mediation vs. Litigation

Mediation is a meeting between you and your soon-to-be-ex where you try to agree on your settlement amicably. A mediator will be there to facilitate things and make sure that arguments don’t escalate. If you and your ex cannot agree, you can move forward with litigation and go to a divorce trial where a judge will decide for you.

Benefits

There are a lot of benefits to mediation over litigation. You’ll have more control and say over things during a mediation session than you do in court. Additionally, it can save you a ton of money because it typically takes much less time than a trial. This can also be less traumatic for you and any children involved with custody issues.

Looking at the Bigger Picture

If you are trying to make mediation successful, it’s important to let go of the idea of “winning” the divorce. The goal is to come to an agreement that both parties can live with and that feels fair to each. Try to focus on the bigger picture and let go of petty squabbles. Don’t hold up negotiations for something that you don’t care about just to spite your ex. Instead, try to remember that if you can agree outside of court, you’ll both save money and time.

When Mediation Fails

While mediation can be a great solution for some couples, it doesn’t work for everybody. If you and your spouse have an especially contentious break-up, or if you simply don’t see eye to eye on issues, you’ll likely need to go to court. The most beneficial thing you can do is hire an experienced attorney to represent your interests. They’ll help you organize everything, put together a strong case, and negotiate on your behalf to get you the best settlement possible. Mediation can be a great solution for some couples so that they can avoid the hassle and money of divorce court. It can save you a lot of time and can be much less stressful. To make the most of mediation, try to keep your eyes on the bigger prize of amicable resolution rather than focusing on trying to beat your ex in court. Remember that you are trying to find compromises that work for you both. However, mediation doesn’t always work, and you might end up going to divorce court. If this is the case, boost your chances of getting a great settlement by hiring an experienced divorce attorney to represent your interests. Hopefully, you and your ex can resolve things quickly and amicably to avoid the stress of court.

Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dividing student loan debt in a divorce can get very complicated. Everybody knows that during a divorce, spouses must divide up their assets. But not everybody realizes that they also divide their debts. Divvying up student loan debt depends a lot on when you took out the loan as well as what the money was for. It also is important to lay out who benefitted from the loan. A judge will take into account many things when deciding to divide up marital assets. There isn’t any one answer on how loans are split. However, the goal of any judge is to make things fair and equitable for both parties. The best way to ensure that you are getting the best settlement possible is to hire an experienced divorce attorney to represent you.

Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce: What Happens to Debt?

Pre-Marital vs. Marital Debt

When dividing student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will ask “when did you take out the loan?”. If you got the loan before marriage, then it is not a marital debt. Therefore, your spouse would likely not take on any of the debt during a divorce. However, the loan is a marital debt if you were in school when you married. Or if you took the loan out after marriage. In this case, a judge will decide how to split it fairly.

Where Did the Money Go?

Another question that a judge will try to answer is “where did the money go?”. If you used the money on something like housing, then your spouse also benefitted from it too. In this situation, they might be responsible for some of the debt. However, if it was entirely for tuition, a judge is more likely to assign the debt only to the student.

Who Benefitted from the Loan?

When trying to divide student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will also look at who benefitted from the loan. For example, if you divorce right after graduation, then your spouse is not likely to benefit at all from the loan. However, if your spouse graduated and used the credentials to get a high-paying job for many years before the divorce, then you did benefit. A judge is more likely to split the debt if you benefit from the money and your spouse’s education.

The Big Picture

While there are many factors that a judge takes into consideration when dividing student loan debt into a divorce, they are mostly looking at the big picture. For example, they will take into consideration things like each of your salaries and assets. They’ll also consider alimony and other spousal support payments. The goal is to divide your marital assets and debts equitably. When a judge is dividing student loan debt into a divorce, things can get a little messy. Just as with all aspects of divorce, a lot of factors contribute to the divvying up of debt. A judge will look at when you took out the loan as well as what you spent the money on. They’ll also think about who benefitted from the money and how it fits into the overall picture of your financial health as a couple. The goal of any divorce proceeding is to split up marital assets, property, and debts in a way that is fair to both parties. Hopefully, if you have concerns about student loan debt, your divorce attorney can help you navigate them and ensure that you get the settlement you are entitled to.

Engaging a Divorce Attorney

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Engaging a divorce attorney is in your best interest if you and your spouse are deciding to end your marriage. It’s best to get the process started as soon as possible so that your attorney can make sure that you are protecting yourself financially. Finding the right fit can take a little trial and error, but it’s best to speak to a few different attorneys. Consider the budget and speak to each of the attorneys about how their fees work. And finally, look for an attorney that has experience with cases similar to yours. It’s not necessarily helpful to rely just on the recommendations of friends because their divorce case might be very different from yours. Find an attorney that seems like they will be able to represent you during your divorce best and will help you get the settlement you deserve.

Engaging a Divorce Attorney: Finding the Right Fit

Start Early

Begin the process of engaging a divorce attorney as soon as you realize that divorce is a possibility. You want to ensure that you protect yourself financially if things begin to get ugly with your soon-to-be ex. In addition, they can help you begin gathering all of the information that you’re going to need later on down the road.

Ask Questions

Before engaging a divorce attorney, it’s best to speak to a few options. Try to set up meetings with two or three lawyers. Try to get a feel for their overall approach and how they or their team operate. You’re not looking to find a new best friend, but you need to feel comfortable enough, to be honest with them. Find somebody that you trust to represent you and that will keep things professional.

Consider Budget

It’s important to consider your budget when engaging a divorce attorney. Divorce is expensive. There’s just no getting around that. However, some attorneys charge more than others. When you’re meeting with potential attorneys, ask them how their fee schedule works. They won’t be able to give you a definite answer on how much your divorce will be. There is any number of factors that can affect that. But they should be able to give you some general idea of costs.

Look for Experience

Finally, when engaging a divorce attorney, look for experience. You want to pick somebody that is professional and knows what they’re doing. And more specifically, you want an attorney that has handled cases similar to yours. Especially if you expect your divorce to be complicated with lots of properties, assets, or custody disputes. Engaging a divorce attorney is the best first step you can take to protect yourself as soon as you and your spouse decide to split up. It might seem hasty, but there’s a lot of prep work involved in a divorce. Your attorney can help you get that ball rolling and can protect you financially from your ex doing anything tricky with bank accounts. Meet with several attorneys to decide which you feel like will be a good fit for you. Consider your budget and ask them for a general idea of what to expect cost-wise. And finally, pick an attorney that has a lot of experience in the field, and with cases similar to yours. You should pick somebody that is professional and whom you feel will represent you to the best of their ability. Hiring the right attorney can make a big impact on your divorce settlement.

Nesting Co-Parenting: Possible Benefits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Most parents think that co-parenting involves moving the kids from one parent’s house to another. However, nesting co-parenting offers a different perspective. This alternative way of co-parenting might just be the sort of thing you and your co-parent are looking for…

Nesting Co-Parenting: How Its Different

What is “nesting?”

Nesting co-parenting differs from other co-parenting plans mainly in terms of where the kids stay. Usually, after a divorce, either one parent will keep the home and the other will move, or both will move to new homes. Then, the kids will go in-between each household depending on the co-parenting schedule they come up with.

With a nesting arrangement, the kids will actually stay at the family home. Instead, it’ll be you and your co-parent who will come and go. So, for example, one week you’ll stay at the home with the kids, and then switch with your co-parent. That way, the kids don’t have to constantly go back-and-forth between two new homes.

Benefits to the kids

A nesting co-parenting arrangement can be really beneficial to your kids. Divorce is a major time of change both for you and them. Having to constantly go back and forth between you and your co-parent’s new homes can be very difficult for them. Ultimately, it can be hard for them to really feel “at ease”, even if they’re with one of their parents.

However, by nesting, your kids won’t have to worry about that. Rather, they get to stay in the home that they’re already familiar with. This helps them feel much more at ease with the situation, and not have to worry about constantly moving and bringing things between homes.

Benefits for the parents

Of course, a nesting co-parenting plan doesn’t just help the kids. It can also help you and your co-parent also. For instance, many couples find it’s cheaper to use a nesting plan. The cost of two separate apartments can be cheaper than if you were to both look for new homes. Plus, some co-parents will even “split” an apartment, with one of them staying there while the other is with the kids.

You also won’t have to worry about difficult transitions in-between homes. Rather, you’ll know exactly where your kids will be. You can even have smoother transitions than usual, such as if you drop the kids off at school in the morning and their other parent picks them up. Just make sure you communicate this to both your co-parent and the kids!

Do I Really Need a Divorce Lawyer?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you are wondering if you need a divorce lawyer, you aren’t alone. Divorces can be very expensive and it might be tempting to save the money you’d pay to an attorney for something else. However, an attorney can prevent you from making mistakes that could be incredibly costly. It’s really in your best interest to have representation, even if you believe your divorce will be amicable. There are many risks involved with going it alone in a settlement. Find a divorce lawyer early in the process so that they can prepare you for what to expect. And finally, when choosing a divorce lawyer, make sure they have plenty of experience with similar cases. While it is not legally mandated that you use a divorce attorney, the benefits far outweigh the risks.

Do I Really Need a Divorce Lawyer? Weighing Your Options

The Short Answer

The short answer is that yes, in almost all cases, you need to hire a divorce lawyer. Even if you believe your divorce will be amicable, it still will be very complex. The divorce system is very hard to understand if you are not a divorce attorney yourself. It involves a lot of rules, paperwork, and forms. If any of those things are not done properly, you could wind up losing a lot of money. You could also end up losing assets, property, or risk having it affect your custody situation.

The Risks

There are many risks if you choose to not hire a divorce lawyer. If you own property and don’t have representation, you could wind up losing a lot of money or even be stuck paying for a home you don’t own. Having minor children also means you need representation, because you’ll need to decide how your co-parenting will look. Any errors in that and you could be dealing with a nightmare co-parenting situation for years. If you have retirement plans, assets, or are wanting to work out any spousal support you need to hire a divorce attorney.

When to Hire a Divorce Lawyer

Hire a divorce lawyer early on in the process. Many people find that the best advice is to hire representation before you even discuss divorce with your spouse. They can help you figure out what information you’ll need and prepare you in case your spouse retaliates negatively. They will also walk you through an overview of the process itself which can be very helpful.

How to Pick a Divorce Lawyer

It’s important to pick the right divorce lawyer for your case. Plan to interview several attorneys before making your decision. Don’t just use the recommendation of a friend unless you also feel like it’s a good fit. You want to make sure that your attorney has plenty of experience with cases similar to yours. You also need to make sure that they are within your budget.

Hiring a divorce lawyer is not legally necessary but it is the smartest move if you are going through a divorce. While it might seem expensive, a lawyer can end up getting you more money than you anticipated with your settlement. In addition, the amount of money you could lose if you make any errors could be astronomical. And those errors could also affect you for the rest of your life. This is especially true if you and your spouse own property, or have children, retirement plans, or large assets. Interview several attorneys before deciding on who will represent you, and hire them early in the process. This way they can walk you through every step to make sure you are getting the best settlement. Hiring good legal counsel is priceless and is the only way to truly protect yourself in a settlement.