Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Maintaining mutual friendships after a divorce is something that oftentimes gets looked over. A divorce can be messy and stressful. Sometimes you forget that there could still be some decisions to make after it’s final. However, forcing friends to choose sides is never good for anybody. It’s really best if you can figure out a way to maintain your mutual friendships. Have a frank conversation with your ex and your friends about how you plan to keep them all in your life. Set ground rules that you and your ex will stick to. And finally, anticipate that there will probably be some friends that pick sides despite your best efforts. Keeping a friendly relationship with your ex is the best way to keep your mutual friends in both of your lives.

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce: Don’t Make Your Friends Pick Sides

Have a Conversation with Your Ex

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce is easiest if you and your ex-partner are both on board. Have a discussion about what you want your relationship to look like post-divorce. If you have children together, it really is best if you can maintain at least some level of trust and friendship. If you both feel strongly about sharing with your friends and not forcing them to pick sides, then it is definitely possible to do.

Have a Conversation with Your Friends

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce also relies on being up-front with your friends. They probably have no idea how to navigate these waters either. They may feel like they’re being pulled to one side or the other. However, if you talk to them honestly about both of your desire to keep them in both of your lives, hopefully, they’ll be understanding.

Set Ground Rules

It’s important to set ground rules for maintaining mutual friendships after divorce. And the most important one of these is: don’t talk badly about your ex. Don’t try to win them over to your side of the divorce. If you are filling their ear with horrible stories about your ex or the other way around, they’ll be forced to pick sides. It also puts them in an awkward spot. It’s really best just to keep your breakup and your relationship with your ex-private.

Anticipate Some Losses

Finally, it’s important to remember that maintaining mutual friendships after divorce just won’t be possible for every one of your friends. Some will pick sides even if you ask them not to. Expect that your ex’s closest friends will probably drop off your radar a bit. And likewise, your closest friends will most likely not be maintaining friendships with your ex. As time goes on and you and your ex get more comfortable with your situation, maybe it will be possible to rekindle some friendships. Especially if you have children. But, it can take time and there may be a point where you’ll have to just cut your losses. Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can seem difficult, but it is possible. But it’s only doable if you and your ex are on the same page about it. So talk to your ex directly and lay a plan out for maintaining your friendships. Also discuss your plan with your friends, as they probably don’t really know how to navigate these waters any more than you do. Laying some ground rules for everybody will go a long way in maintaining peace. And finally, accept that some relationships will simply not work once your divorce is finalized. It’s ok to let some friendships go. However, hopefully, you and your ex will be able to maintain a friendly relationship and preserve your mutual friends.

How Do Children React to Divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Children react to divorce in many different ways. A lot depends on the family, the situation, and of course, the child. However, some behaviors are very common among children of newly divorced parents. Be on the watch for these behaviors and be prepared to give your child as much support as they need during this tough time. One thing you might see is regression – this could be with sleep, using the bathroom, or other behaviors. Another typical reaction is aggression or new anger issues. Some children feel very sad and begin to internalize the stress as shame. And finally, some children go through intense separation anxiety. Guide your children through all of these emotions by being supportive and allowing them to share their feelings.

How Do Children React to Divorce? Behaviors You Might See

Regressions

One way that many children react to divorce is through various regressions. Regressions happen when a child’s behavior seems to be getting less mature, rather than more mature. For instance, some children might be sleeping well and suddenly start waking up at night. Or some potty-trained children begin to have accidents again. There are many ways that regressions can present themselves. Usually, they will get through the regression on their own with a little guidance.

Aggression

Another way that children react to divorce is aggression. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll start hitting their friends. It could just mean that they are easier to upset or fluster. Or their frustration seems more intense than usual. Guide them to healthy outlets for their strong emotions, like a new hobby or exercise.

Depression

Depression is another way that children react to divorce. It can be very different from child to child. Some children might just become more whiny than usual. Others might be upset easily or spend lots of time crying. And many children begin to feel shame about the divorce and think that they are at fault. You should constantly reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that you love them very much.

Separation Anxiety

Finally, one last way that children react to divorce is through separation anxiety. Their entire world has likely been turned upside down. They may be a little clingier than usual. They are trying to make sure that they hold onto the one constant in their lives – you. Usually, separation anxiety eases with time and with reassurance that you will always come back when you leave. Children react to divorce in a myriad of different ways. Some children get very quiet while others have hundreds of questions. However, many children present with regressions like potty training. Or with aggression and a little more moodiness than usual. Yet others go through depressive stages, and some get more separation anxiety than usual. However your child is handling the divorce, you should reassure them constantly. Many times these changes ease fairly quickly as they get used to a new routine. However, if your child seems to be struggling, reach out to their pediatrician or a child therapist for some guidance. Hopefully, you can help ease your children through this difficult transition and help them handle their emotions.

Losing Love: Marital Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

One of the hardest things that can happen in a relationship is falling out of love. However, losing love is a very real thing, and occurs for many different reasons. Understanding some of the most common ones can help you see why some couples have this happen…

Losing Love: Why It Happens

Lack of communication

Losing love in a marriage can be due to poor communication. Good communication is important for maintaining the bond between you and your partner. If your communication is lacking, then that bond is going to get weaker. Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the love itself becomes lost.

Communication can fall apart for a wide variety of reasons. You may have both had issues talking to one another about things and had constant arguments. Or, it could have been that you didn’t spend enough time talking to one another. Not having that good, balanced communication can turn those positive feelings for one another into negative ones.

Things started off poorly

Losing love can also occur when a marriage starts off poorly and never recovers. A strong foundation in a marriage is crucial for being able to handle tougher times. Lacking that good base will make it much easier for a couple to drift apart and not be able to come back together when things hit a rough patch.

For instance, it could be that a you or your partner had unrealistic expectations for each other. When you or they don’t met these expectations, it can set a negative tone going forwards. It could also be that you rushed into your marriage without giving your relationship time to mature and be certain that marriage was the right call.

Too clingy

Losing love is usually caused by something that makes couples become distant. Yet, being too close can also be another reason. If you’re too clingy of a partner, then it can end up frustrating your spouse. Eventually, things will get to the point where they want distance more than anything else!

It’s good for couples to spend time with one another. Still, it’s also key to have some individual time, or time spent with family and friends. You can’t be too clingy, or expect your partner to only ever want to spend time with you.

Self-care After Divorce: Exercise is Key

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Life during and after a divorce can be stressful and draining. Because of this, it is very important to make sure you’re remembering to take care of yourself too. Making self-care after divorce a priority will help you to feel better mentally, emotionally, and physically. Especially when exercise is involved…

Self-care After Divorce: Benefits of Exercise

Exercise Makes You Feel Happier

First off, exercise can make your body release endorphins, which can make you feel happy. Divorce can be very tough, and endorphins can help lift your mood and make you feel better. You don’t have to run a marathon in order to get these endorphins flowing. Even just thirty minutes of moderate-intensity exercise can release mood-lifting endorphins.

Exercise Relieves Stress

In the same way, exercise can help relieve stress. Tension and stress can build-up during and after the divorce process. Yoga is a great form of exercise to alleviate stress. It is low-impact, and focuses on breathing, stretching, and mindfulness. Even while gyms are closed due to Covid-19, there are many yoga classes that can be taken on apps like Down Dog or even YouTube. However, yoga isn’t the only exercise to reduce stress; almost any form of exercise can.

Equally important, exercise can help you to sleep better. This is because you may fall asleep faster and sleep deeper. A good night’s rest is a great way to reduce stress levels.

Exercise Helps Improve Health

Weight fluctuations are common during and after a divorce. Whether it’s gaining or losing too much weight, quick changes like this can be unhealthy. When people exercise, they tend to eat healthier and make smarter choices about alcohol and junk food. This can lead to a healthier weight and improving your overall health. When your body is healthier, it will be ready to face any challenges or obstacles that come your way.

Exercise Improves Self-Esteem

Getting out and moving will not only help you feel better, but it will help you look better too. Exercise helps to build and tone muscles, as well as trim fat. In some situations, divorce can hurt someone’s self-esteem. If you feel like you look better, it will help you feel more confident and happier.


While divorce can negatively impact your overall health, stress levels and happiness, exercise is a great way to regain control over these parts of your life. While it’s easy to get caught up in so many other things right after a divorce, don’t forget to take care of yourself.

How-to Regain Your Confidence After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can really do a number on your confidence and self-esteem. You may feel like you have completely lost your identity. The divorce may have shattered your confidence. This can really affect your mental health. It may take time to get that back. By taking proactive steps, you can regain your confidence after your divorce.

How-to Regain Your Confidence After Divorce: Post-Divorce Healing

Support System

One way to help regain your confidence after divorce is by having a strong support system. Remember that there are people who know and love you. Surround yourself with people who can be beneficial if your overall health and well-being. Being social will not only help you reestablish your life, but also your self-esteem and confidence. This will allow you to show others around you that you are not permanently broken and that this life experience will not define you.

Consider reaching out to people who knew you before before you met your former spouse. You can reconnect with people who are far away distance-wise by using platforms like Skype, Zoom or Facetime. Even during COVID, you can get creative and reconnect with an old workout buddy by using a workout app. The most important thing to remember is that your self-worth is not dependent on your former partner. In the same way, you were a good friend before your partner and you will be a good friend after them too. Your friends will be able to help remind you of all of the great things about yourself that you may not be able to see right now.

Reestablish Your Identity

You will also begin to retain your confidence after divorce by reestablishing your identity. This may mean getting involved in activities you previously enjoyed, or completely reinventing yourself. Start by decorating your space to feel like you. You can do this whether you are still living in the same place as you did when you were married, or if you moved to a new place. Either way, think of this as a fresh start and make your home express your own personality. Think about different hobbies you have been wanting to try, and go try them. You may find something you really enjoy to fill up your time.

In the same way, also participate in things you have previously enjoyed as well. Make a list of all of the things you loved doing and what made you happy. Do you love playing tennis? Getting back on the courts may be just want you need for a confidence boost. This will also give you a boost of serotonin to make you feel happy and feel better. Sometimes, the most important part of reestablishing your identity is just remembering who you are deep down inside.

Divorce can certainly be hard on your self-esteem. However, it is possible to regain your confidence after your divorce. Start by finding a good support system to lean on, and find identity again. Before long, you will be feeling confident once more.

How-to Begin Healing from Adultery

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You feel betrayed, hurt, and confused. You found out that your spouse has been cheating on you behind your back. In the moment, it may feel like this pain and suffering will never end. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be able to pick up the pieces and move forward. Whether or not you choose to stick it out or part ways with your spouse is up to you. There is no perfect, one-size-fits-all answer. However, it is important to know what steps you can take to begin healing from adultery.

How-to Begin Healing from Adultery: Picking Up the Pieces

Emotions

If you want to start healing from adultery, you will have to work through multiple stages first. You will feel an overwhelming amount of pain and sadness. This could come with swings of emotions where you are angry at your spouse, then yourself, and back to your spouse again. This could all happen within a matter of moments. You will have lost all trust and have shattered dreams for the future.

During this time, do not make any rash decisions. When you are in emotional pain, you will not be able to make wise decisions at this point. Do not jump into wanting to file for divorce, hurting yourself or getting revenge. Wait until your emotions have leveled out, or you may make a decision that you regret, but cannot take back. There is no set time frame as to how long this stage will last. Your spouse will need to be patient with you during this time. The way you work through this stage is unique to you. Lean on others for support or seek a councilor. Make sure to practice self-care, get enough sleep and eat healthy.

Therapy

It will be helpful to get therapy to work through healing from adultery. While you may be tempted to seek help on your own, it may be better to get therapy as a couple if you are considering continuing the marriage. You will have broken trust in your relationship. Seeking help together could help to rebuild this trust. There have already been enough secrets in this marriage. Individual therapy does not work to rebuild that trust. In fact, it may even make things more complicated. If you are wanting to save your marriage, you need to work through things with your spouse and not apart from them. Sometimes it takes one spouse hearing the other spouse saying why he or she is choosing this relationship and marriage versus giving up.

Working on Your Relationship

While the spouse who cheated on the other spouse is completely at fault for the affair, it is good to look at all of the other surrounding factors. Were there things that were broken in the marriage that could be worked on? Perhaps both spouses lost interest in one another. Try and address the things that were broken so that if you do continue the marriage, these things are not a continuous pain point.

It is also important to work on communication. For this to work, you must be able to communicate how you feel. You do not want underlying feelings to pop up 15 years from now about the hurt you have been sweeping under the rug. Being able to communicate openly will also help to rebuild trust.

How to Ease Back Into Dating After a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Going through a divorce is emotional and stressful. For a long time, you may not be ready to even think about dating again. But when you do decide to get back out there, these tips can help. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, it’s important to remember to take your time. You’ll also want to get out and meet people and be upfront about being a divorcee. Getting back into the dating world can be scary at first, but hopefully, you’ll find your perfect partner!

Ease Back into Dating After a Divorce – Trust Yourself

Take It Slow

Taking it slow is the most important step when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce. This means taking it slow when deciding to start dating. It also means taking it slow with new partners, as well as taking it slow when telling your family that you’re dating again. Before you get back into the dating world, it’s important that you build your confidence back up. Going through a divorce can cause so much mental stress, so it’s important to make sure that you’re in a healthy headspace before bringing somebody new into your life. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, you need to do just that – ease. Take it slow with new dates. Don’t try to rush a relationship into something serious too quickly. Just have fun and enjoy yourself for a while. Your feelings about your ex can change a lot over the course of dating someone new. You might feel nostalgic about your early dates, or get overwhelmed at how much there is to learn about a new person. Try not to get ahead of yourself, and just enjoy the relationship as it grows. Also remember to take it slow when introducing new dates to your family, especially your kids. They probably don’t need to meet every single person you go on a date with. But if things start to feel serious, it’s best to sit them down and let them meet your date.

Get Out There

The best thing you can do when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce is to just get out there and meet people. Online dating is always an option too. But don’t neglect old fashioned meet and greets. Switch up your routine and go to a new coffee shop or gym. Or join a local meetup or sports group. Try and introduce yourself to as many new people as you can when you’re out and about. And don’t forget to ask your friends if they know any available singles! It’s best to be upfront about your breakup when you ease back into dating after a divorce. You can keep it short and simple. For example, “my ex-husband and I are divorced. I wish him well but we just weren’t right for each other.” You don’t have to go into more detail than you’re comfortable with. And try not to trash talk your ex either. You don’t want to give the wrong impression to your new date. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about your status as a divorcee, and talking about your ex in a calm way will show your new date that you’re mature and comfortable with the situation. Deciding to ease back into dating after a divorce is a big decision. Really take time to figure out if you’re ready for it or not. Remember to take it slow when starting to look for dates, as well as with any new partners. Get out there and meet new people, and be upfront about your divorce. Always trust your instincts, and don’t forget that if things don’t feel right, it’s alright to give yourself more time. And of course, have fun!

How to Help a Friend Through a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The stress of divorce has been compared to the stress of a family member dying. Watching a friend go through that kind of pain can make you feel helpless. But there are many ways that you can help a friend through a divorce. Including them in everyday activities, being a good listener, and lending a helping hand will show them how much you care about them.

How to Help a Friend Through a Divorce: Be Their Rock

Be a Good Listener

Listening is the most important thing you can do to help a friend through a divorce. Try to remember that you should listen more than you speak. You can offer words of comfort, but try not to monopolize the conversation. If they get emotional, don’t try to force them to speak. Just quietly let them express their feelings. Also, try not to join in on any bashing of their ex-partner. Their feelings will probably change from day-to-day. If you join in on the bashing one day, they may not feel comfortable opening up to you when they are feeling more forgiving another day. Also, if they work things out in the future you’ll never be able to take back the words you said.

Include them in Everyday Activities

Including them in everyday activities is one way to help a friend through a divorce. They might be missing the normalcy of their old life. Therefore, including them in minor activities can make them feel better. For example, taking the kids to soccer practice or inviting them to weeknight dinner at your house. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a sample of everyday life. But don’t forget the important holidays too! Even if they turn down your invitations, keep inviting them out. They may not have the energy to join in right now, but they’ll appreciate being included all the same.

Lend a Helping Hand

You can really help a friend through a divorce by lending a helping hand. Running a household is difficult, and they are now doing it alone. You can pitch in with chores or running errands. You can also offer to help with childcare! If they are moving because of the divorce, you can help them pack. And don’t forget that divorce comes with a mountain of paperwork. They will probably need your help organizing it and figuring out everything. You can gather information and help them to know what to expect. Even just dropping off a meal can make you a real lifesaver! Your friend is going through so much, anywhere you can help out will help them immensely.

There are many ways to help a friend through a divorce. Being a good listener, including them in things, and lending a helping hand are all great ways to show your support. They are under so much stress and will surely appreciate all you do.

My Husband Cheated On Me: Now What?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If your husband cheated on you, you might be feeling absolutely lost on how to move forward. An affair can cause a lot of pain, resentment, and anger. Some couples choose to end their marriage, while others decide to move forward. How you proceed is up to you. But the first thing to do is ensure your own safety with a health checkup. Then, it might be helpful to try to get to the bottom of exactly what happened. Decide how you’re feeling about things and what you would like to do. Then, you can discuss options with your partner and move forward together one way or another. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to a decision that you both agree on and you can heal from the pain of adultery.

My Husband Cheated On Me: Now What? Deciding How to Move Forward

Safety First

If your husband cheated on you, the first step to take is to protect your own health. You don’t know for sure if the person he slept with is healthy. Or whether or not they had unprotected sex. Make an appointment with your doctor for an STD and HIV screening. While nobody likes to think about these possibilities, your health comes first.

Get the Whole Truth

Now that you are taking care of your safety, it’s time to get to the bottom of exactly what happened. Try to find out if it was a one-time thing or a full-fledged affair. Be firm about what the consequences are if he lies again to you by not giving you the full story. Try to get to the bottom of why your husband cheated in the first place.

Decide How You Feel

If your husband cheated on you, it’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions. You don’t have to give him an answer about the future right away. Instead, take some time to process your feelings and decide how you want to move forward. Do you think you’d be able to trust him again? Or do you want to end things? You don’t know what course of action he’ll want to take. But figuring out how you’d like to proceed can at least give you a starting point.

Moving Forward

Once you know how you want to proceed, discuss it with your husband. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page, but you might not be. Sometimes affairs happen because there are deep-seated issues in a marriage. Or maybe your husband cheated because it seemed the marriage was ending naturally anyway. None of these are excuses, but they can help you decide how to move forward. If you both want to end the marriage, hopefully you can proceed with a healthy divorce. If you both are wanting to work on things, marriage counseling can be very helpful. If your husband cheated on you, it can create a loss of trust and a lot of pain. Affairs hurt everybody involved, and can leave lasting scars that you carry into future relationships. Give yourself some time to process your feelings before deciding how you want to move forward. However, prioritize your health by getting checked out by your doctor. Then, try to get to the bottom of the story. After you know the details, you can decide how you’d like to move forward and then discuss it with your partner. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page one way or the other. If you want to work things out, you’ll both have to recommit to your relationship. If you want to break up, the best thing you can do is hire an experienced attorney as soon as possible to make your divorce as quick and painless as possible.

Divorce Gets Easier, Right?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you are in the throes of the divorce process, you might be wondering if divorce gets easier. It can be hard to see the finish line when you’re dealing with a contentious ex, tons of paperwork, and legal fees. However, the good news is that divorce does get easier as time goes by and you begin to adjust to your new life. You’ll also get better and better at co-parenting as time goes on and you and your ex get used to this new relationship. You might even find that you can become more comfortable being around each other. However, it’s important to take the time you need to process the divorce. And if you are struggling with anxiety or depression, speak up and reach out to get the support you need. Divorce is hard on everybody, but there is an end in sight.

Divorce Gets Easier, Right? Easing Your Anxiety

Getting Through the Actual Process

Divorce gets easier when you are finally through the tedious process itself. The actual process of divorce is exhausting. Splitting up assets, deciding custody, asking for support payments. All of it is typically fraught with emotion and highly contentious. Plus, it’s expensive. When your divorce is final, you should begin to feel less stress. Keep your eyes on that goal.

Learning a New Way of Life

While your divorce gets easier, transitioning to your new post-divorce way of life can also be a big adjustment. You’ll probably be facing a different housing situation, different daily routine, and different financial situation. Plus, you’re probably missing your ex at times, feeling angry at other times, and everything in between. As time goes on, you’ll get used to this new life until it feels like your new normal.

Learning to Co-Parent

Time can also heal some wounds between exes. If you have children, figuring out custody can have a steep learning curve. Anything involving your children probably comes with some heightened emotions. Divorce gets easier when you and your ex can learn to co-parent healthily. Try to put aside your bitter feelings and focus on working together for the sake of your kids.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that yes, divorce gets easier. However, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have to put in some work. Take the time you need to process your feelings about the break-up. Talk to a therapist or close friend about how you’re feeling about things. And practice healthy habits like getting plenty of sleep and maintaining a social life. If you are struggling to move on, reach out to your doctor or therapist for support. Divorce is an overwhelmingly emotional experience, and you don’t have to go through it alone. While it might feel like a never-ending process, divorce gets easier with time. The stress and anxiety will ease and you’ll begin to move forward into the next chapter of life. But it can feel very overwhelming when you’re going through it. Try to remind yourself that there is an end in sight, and remember that the process itself won’t last forever. You’ll adjust to your new way of life, and hopefully, you’ll also learn to interact with your ex without tension. This will ease your co-parenting relationship if you share children. All in all, divorce does get easier, but it takes time. And it takes some healing and self-care on your part. Reach out to a friend, family member, doctor, or therapist if you find that you are overwhelmed by the divorce process, or are struggling to move on.