Pet Custody During a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Pet custody during a divorce can be a sticky topic. Your pets become like members of your family, and if you are considering divorce, the idea of your pet living apart from you can be devastating. Many couples wonder if they can legally share custody of their pets. The truth is that although pets feel like family members in our hearts, legally, they are property. Therefore, a judge will consider many factors when deciding which spouse should keep that “asset.” They will do their best to ensure that their decision means that things are fair and equitable. However, although an attorney cannot represent you in a pet custody case, you and your ex could certainly decide on your separation and custody agreement outside of the court.

Pet Custody During a Divorce: Can You Share Custody of Your Fur Baby?

Pets are Property

When looking at pet custody during a divorce, pets are considered legally to be property. Although they become important members of the family, they are not “children.” Instead, a judge will assign them a monetary value. Then they are considered during the divorce as an asset to be divided or reimbursed for equitably.

Deciding What’s Fair

One of the things that a court will look at when deciding on pet custody during a divorce is whether or not the pet is a marital asset. If one spouse or the other had the pet before the relationship began, the court might take that into account. However, the court will look at other factors if the pet was acquired together during the marriage.

Dividing Things Equitably

When figuring out pet custody during a divorce, the pet is legally an asset for the couple. This means, that when the court decides how to split up other assets, they’ll include the pet. The pet will get a monetary value and one spouse will keep the pet. Then, the court will grant the other spouse something of equal value.

Custody Agreement

While the court will not address pet custody during a divorce, you and your ex-spouse can certainly come up with your agreement outside of the court. You can create a separation agreement or even a custody agreement. Some couples choose to have visitation with a pet, while others allow the pet to live with one spouse for some amount of time and then switch. Pet custody during a divorce is a common concern for couples. Although your pet is a piece of property with monetary value in the eyes of the law, that’s not usually how we view our furry friends. Instead, they become like little family members to us. When a couple splits up, it can be a big stress to figure out how to handle pet custody. If the couple cannot agree, the court will decide for them. They’ll do this by assigning a monetary value to the pet. Then, they’ll look at several factors to decide who keeps the pet and who gets something of equal value in the divorce settlement. However, although the court won’t create a separation agreement and custody order for your pet, you and your ex can do that on your own. Hopefully, you can come to an agreement that works for you both.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and completely normal. Divorce is stressful for everybody, children included. Even if they don’t know what’s going on, they often pick up the tension in their parents and experience anxiety. This can lead to all sorts of behavioral regressions, potty training included. Be patient, and give your child time to bounce back. You can also go back to the basics of potty training like getting on a schedule and using a reward system. However, if the issues continue for months on end, it’s probably time to speak to a professional and make sure that your child is getting the emotional support they need to handle the stress. Hopefully, any regressions will be short-lived and you and your family will move on to your new routine quickly and painlessly.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce: Totally normal

Why does it happen?

Potty training regressions after divorce are a very common reaction in younger children. Many things can upset a potty training schedule. Even things like a child not wanting to give up a toy or simply forgetting to use the bathroom. However, stress and anxiety can also wreak havoc on child behavior. Children react differently than adults do to stress, and sometimes the feeling of being out of control leads to potty training regressions.

Be Patient

If your child is suffering potty training regressions after divorce, the best thing that you can do is to be patient with them. These types of behavioral regressions tend to be short-lived. You might also notice things like disturbances in sleep patterns, food aversions, or behavioral issues. Otherwise chatty and easy-going children might be moody or quick to anger. Most regressions last about a month or so.

Addressing the Issue

To address the issue of potty training regressions after divorce, it can help to go back to the basics. Remind your child to use the bathroom every thirty minutes to one hour. Additionally, make sure to keep them on a very regular routine with sleeping and eating. Children thrive on consistency. You can also try out a reward system where children get a sticker or something fun when they remember to potty.

When to Get Help

If you have tried addressing the potty training regressions after divorce but it’s not working, it might be time to explore other options. Rule out any medical issues first. Then, consider having your child meet with a childhood psychologist or try out play therapy. It’s important to get to the root of their stress and give them healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, children open up more to adults who aren’t their parents. Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and very normal. Behavioral regressions in general are often a reaction to children going through stressful events. For example, divorce, adding a new sibling, moving, or changing schools. If your child is experiencing some regressions, be patient and remember that these things tend to only last a few weeks. If the behavior continues, try addressing it by maintaining a consistent schedule and installing a rewards system. Hopefully, your child will adjust to their new routine quickly. However, if the regressions continue for several months, it’s probably time to reach out to your pediatrician or another professional. Divorce is hard on everybody, kids included, so be patient and remember that this too shall pass.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While it’s perfectly normal to go through a divorce, unfortunately, many people still experience divorce embarrassment afterward. There is absolutely no reason to feel shame about ending a marriage that is unhealthy. However, if you are struggling with these feelings, it can help to try to put things into perspective. Look at the bigger picture and remember that this is leading to better things for you. Cut out toxicity in your life if people are surrounding you that are adding to your guilt. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice it so that you are prepared when questions come up. And finally, if you are truly struggling with these feelings, it might help to speak to a therapist. Hopefully, they can help you learn some coping mechanisms and self-acceptance so that you can realize that divorce is not just an ending but also a new beginning.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment: Learning Self-Acceptance

Put Things in Perspective

One thing that can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce embarrassment is to try to put things into perspective. Remember that this feels like a huge part of your life right now, but eventually, you will move on. And you might even move on with a person that is a much better fit. You can have an entire second life ahead of you, and this will be just a blip eventually. It’s also important to remember that it’s far more embarrassing to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy for years and years than to go through a divorce.

Cut Out Toxicity

Divorce is incredibly common these days. However, there still might be some people in your life that make you feel ashamed of your marriage ending. This can add to divorce embarrassment and is uncalled for. Divorce can be very healthy if you are in an unhappy marriage. Cut out toxic people in your life that do not support your decision. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand that you made the right decision for your family.

Find a Way to Talk About It

Dealing with divorce embarrassment can be difficult, especially when your divorce is brought up suddenly. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice out loud to yourself. Repeating the words to yourself can normalize them and make you feel more comfortable when talking to others. Try to remember that nobody will judge you for having this experience. You’ll meet many people throughout your life that have been through the same thing.

Therapy

Finally, if you are truly struggling with divorce embarrassment, it’s time to speak to a professional about it. A therapist can help you organize your thoughts and pinpoint where the shame is coming from. They can give you great coping skills to deal with stress. Finally, they can help you learn self-acceptance and help you see the positive side of divorce. Divorce embarrassment is completely normal, but there’s still no reason to experience shame about your marriage ending. Not only is divorce very common, but it’s also often the best thing for your future and well-being. Staying in an unhappy marriage is much worse than going through the stigma of a divorce. Try to remind yourself that you made the best decision. Cut out toxic people in your life that are making you feel ashamed about it. Practice talking about your divorce out loud so that you don’t feel embarrassed to speak to others about your experience. And finally, talk to a therapist if you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt. Hopefully, you can move on quickly and begin the process of healing.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Depression after divorce is very common. Divorce is a hugely stressful event, and it marks the end of a marriage and future that you imagined for yourself. It’s okay to grieve over this loss. However, if the grief seems to be affecting your whole life, it’s important to pay attention to signs of depression. A lack of energy or feeling of hopelessness, or sleep disturbances might indicate some depression as can a lack of enjoyment in things you normally like to do. If the grief is causing problems in your life, or if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s time to seek help immediately. Many treatments might be able to help you overcome these feelings and get back to living your life.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce: Know the Symptoms

Lack of Energy

One of the signs of depression after divorce is a lack of energy. It’s perfectly okay to want to take a little break and rest after your divorce is finalized. After all, it’s an incredibly draining process that can last a long time. However, if many weeks have gone by and you’re finding it hard to muster the energy for leaving the house or participating in activities, it might be time to look for some support.

Sleep Issues

Sleep disturbances can also be one of the symptoms of depression after divorce to watch out for. That might mean insomnia keeping you up all night, or an inability to get out of bed and sleeping the day away. If the pattern is different from your typical sleep, then it’s a cause to speak to a doctor or therapist. Do not try to self-medicate to get to sleep because some sleep medicines can become addictive.

Lack of Enjoyment

Another sign of depression after divorce is a lack of enjoyment in normal activities. If you are finding it difficult to enjoy the things in life that you normally do, it’s a cause for concern. While it’s normal to feel the blues after a divorce, you don’t want it to be sucking all the joy out of your life. In addition, feeling hopeless, or feeling like things will never get back to normal can also be signs of depression.

When to Get Help

It’s important to reach out and get help if you are experiencing symptoms of depression after divorce. There are many therapies, treatments, and medications you can try that might help you get back on your feet and feel like yourself. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, call for help immediately. Call a friend or family member to help you, call 911, or try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Depression after divorce is quite common, but that doesn’t make it less concerning or difficult to deal with. It’s important to get the support you need to get through this tough time. If you are noticing signs of depression like a lack of energy, lack of enjoyment out of activities, or sleep disturbances, it’s important to reach out for help. If you experience suicidal thoughts, it’s an emergency. Therapy can be very helpful, as can outpatient and in-patient treatment plans for depression. In addition, there are medications that a doctor might be able to prescribe that can help you overcome these feelings and get back to feeling like yourself. Hopefully, you can get the support you need to get back on your feet and look forward to the next chapter of your life.

Battling Divorce Stigma

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Even though divorce is very common, you might still be battling divorce stigma from those around you. Family members, friends, or even strangers might feel like it is their place to discuss your divorce and their thoughts. However, the choices that you make are none of their business. Try to change the conversation around divorce by adjusting your framework for talking about it. Surround yourself with supportive people, and don’t neglect to practice self-care. And finally, if you are still having a difficult time, consider speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can change the narrative and embrace your divorce as an empowering move and one that will improve your future.

Battling Divorce Stigma: Changing the Way We Talk About Divorce

Change the Conversation

The first step in battling divorce stigma is to change the way you see divorce. Instead of looking at it as the end of your marriage, look at it as a window into your future. Going through the process can be draining but don’t let the stigma surrounding divorce make you doubt yourself. You made the right decision and when the dust settles you’ll be able to see this as a new beginning rather than a chapter ending.

Surround Yourself with Support

Another thing that can help with battling divorce stigma is to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don’t let those around you drudge up negative thoughts about the divorce. Instead, try to find people that will help you look forward to the future rather than focusing on the past.

Prioritize Self-Care

Don’t forget about self-care when battling divorce stigma. It can be taxing on you emotionally to feel like others are judging you. Make sure that you take time to focus on your mental well-being periodically by doing things that make you feel confident and bring you joy. For example, get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, and get outside in the sun. You can also try things like meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness for stress relief.

Talk it Out

Finally, battling divorce stigma is easier when you have somebody to talk to about it. Reach out to a therapist or close friend to help you. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a sympathetic ear. And other times, they might be able to give you great advice for handling stressful situations or people in your life. Battling divorce stigma is, unfortunately, still something you might have to deal with. Even though divorce is quite common, you might still get some push-back from old-school family members or friends. Ignore the naysayers and focus on your future instead. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself or your decision. You and your ex made the best decision for both of your futures. Even though divorce is tiring, try to see it as empowering as well. You got through it and you’re on the other side of things. Now you can make whatever kind of future you want for yourself. Try to focus on the positive and surround yourself with others who do the same. Don’t forget about your self-care, and make time for speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can begin to see your divorce as an open door to a more positive future.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’ts

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Confronting abuse can be a way to exit a relationship, but you need to make sure that you do it safely. An abuser can escalate quickly and turn a confrontational situation into a dangerous one. Don’t engage with them when they are displaying abusive behavior. In addition, don’t try to reason with them about the abuse because likely it will not work and can also escalate the problem. It is a good idea to make an exit plan that gets you away from the relationship safely. And finally, try to find things that build up your self-esteem so that you can begin the healing process. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, sexual, or financial, it’s inexcusable in a relationship.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’t to Keep Yourself Safe

Don’t: Engage

When confronting abuse, it’s important not to engage when the abuser is displaying overtly abusive behavior. This will only make the situation worse. For example, if an emotional abuser begins insulting you or questioning your actions, don’t begin arguing back. Instead, set boundaries. Let them know you won’t tolerate their behavior. Tell them if they continue their actions, you’ll leave the room. Then follow through with your boundaries.

Don’t: Try to Reason

Abuse is always about power, so it doesn’t necessarily have a logical reason behind it. Therefore, when confronting abuse, don’t try to reason with your abuser. They will not change their minds, and likely, the abuse will never stop. Instead, try to find a support network. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist and let them help you figure out a safe exit from the relationship.

Do: Make an Exit Plan

Confronting abuse is not likely going to make it stop. Abusers rarely stop abusing their victims. Instead, things tend to escalate. Therefore, the only way to protect yourself is to leave the relationship. Get a friend or loved one to help you make a plan. Begin saving money and figuring out a safe place to go. Your community will likely have local resources for victims of abuse that can help you find a way out of your situation.

Do: Build Up Self-Esteem

Finally, after confronting abuse, try to find ways to build up your self-esteem. Whether the abuse is physical or emotional, it can leave lasting scars. Abusers thrive on taking away the confidence of their victims. After you exit the relationship, try to find activities that bring you joy and boost your self-confidence. Set reachable goals for yourself and find supportive friends who will cheer you on when you reach those goals.

Confronting abuse can be a dangerous thing to do, so sometimes, simply exiting a relationship is the safer move. Do not engage with an abuser because it can escalate a situation. Instead, set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don’t try to reason with an abuser either, but instead, find a support network that will legitimize your feelings. Try to make an exit plan with your support network so that you can leave the relationship safely. And finally, try to build back your self-confidence by finding hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Abuse can be incredibly damaging for victims, so getting away from a relationship as quickly and safely as possible is the only way to protect yourself.

Divorce News: Making a Plan

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It can be hard to bring up divorce with your spouse. However, it can be even harder to break the divorce news to your kids. With how traumatic divorce can be for them, you want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible…

Divorce News: Telling The Kids

Tell them together

When breaking divorce news to your kids, it’s important you and your spouse tell them together. In effect, you’ll both want to maintain a united front. After all, you kids aren’t going to know what you know about the divorce or who suggested it. Doing it together helps tell them you’re still working together.

Also, this avoids sending them any mixed messages. If you tell them first, and your partner does later, it could confuse your kids. Plus, you won’t know what your partner could say. Doing this together is good for making sure you’re both on the same page.

Wait for a good time

Another thing to remember when breaking divorce news to the kids is that timing is key. You don’t want to decide on a divorce, and then immediately tell the kids. You’ll also want to avoid telling them when they’re already angry or upset due to something else. Instead, you should make sure the time is right.

Wait until you and your spouse are sure you’ll divorce, and have some kind of plan set in place. Then, be sure to tell the kids somewhere they feel comfortable, and when they aren’t already emotional. This will help ensure the potential shockisn’t made worse by outside factors.

Know what to tell them

Of course, if you’re breaking divorce news, you should know what exactly you’re going to say. Your kids don’t need all the specific details of what went wrong. Most of it probably won’t make sense to them, especially if they’re younger. Rather, you should give them reassurance and a plan for the future.

Be sure that your kids know they aren’t responsible for the divorce, and that you both still love them. This reassurance is important for helping them start to process what’s going on. Then, tell them what might be happening in the future. If they know what to expect, then it’ll be easier for them to prepare emotionally.

How to Heal from Divorce Trauma

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Divorce trauma is a very real problem that can create issues for many aspects of your life. The stress of the divorce process is often compared to the stress of a loved one dying. It can create lasting emotional scars that can be quite difficult to heal from. It’s important to take some time to acknowledge the trauma. It’s also helpful to give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve. Therapy can be very helpful for dealing with the emotional damage of divorce as well. And finally, there are support groups for divorcees that many find to be very helpful. Hopefully, you can find the emotional support you need to begin the healing process and start to move on towards the next chapter in your life.

How to Heal from Divorce Trauma: Finding Yourself Again

Why is Divorce Traumatic?

Divorce trauma can create similar symptoms to PTSD. It can leave people with difficulties sleeping, negative thoughts about themselves, feelings of isolation, or a loss of interest in normal activities. Going through a divorce means changing everything about your life and the life that you thought you were going to live. And in reality, it is similar to a death in that you are losing a future you envisioned for yourself. Trauma from this type of upheaval can be serious and can impact all aspects of your life.

Acknowledge and Grieve

To help heal from divorce trauma, make sure that you acknowledge the trauma itself. Don’t try to write off your feelings. And don’t let others make you feel like you are overreacting to the situation. Instead, accept that this is an event that deserves grieving. Take the time to feel the emotional ups and downs of the divorce process. Everybody grieves in their way and on their schedule. So take as much time as you need.

Therapy

Therapy can be very helpful for divorce trauma, and there are many different kinds of therapy. For instance, talk therapy can be helpful so that you can organize your thoughts and feelings. Art therapy, creative therapy, or animal therapy can also be helpful for many. These types of therapies give you something else to focus on, and many find them soothing for stress.

Support Groups

Finally, support groups can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce trauma. There are many people out there who are going through the divorce process. They can better understand exactly how you’re feeling and what struggles you might have. In addition, they provide an outlet for you to share your experiences which can be therapeutic. It’s easy to find local divorce support groups near you. Divorce trauma can feel overwhelming at times and can create difficulties in all aspects of your life. An intensely stressful divorce can leave you with the same symptoms as other forms of trauma. So make sure that you acknowledge these feelings. Take the time to grieve the life you believed you were going to have. And remember that you are on your schedule and can take as much time as you need. In addition, therapy can be extremely helpful for many people experiencing stress and trauma. And finally, support groups for divorcees can also be very helpful. Search online to find local groups near you that fit your schedule. It can take a while, but healing from divorce trauma is possible in time. Hopefully, you can find the support you need to begin moving through your grief.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The idea of starting the divorce conversation with your spouse can be painful to consider. However, most people tend to reach a breaking point in their relationship when they decide firmly that they do not want to continue the marriage. If you are at that point, it might be a good idea to speak to an attorney first to understand the legal process of divorce. Make sure that you are certain about your decision because you cannot unring the divorce bell. Pick the right time and place when there won’t be interruptions and try to keep the conversation calm. Your spouse might react in several different ways, but it’s important to stand firm and explain your reasoning. Hopefully, you and your ex will be in mutual agreement and can proceed with an amicable divorce.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin the Talk with Your Spouse

Speak to an Attorney First

Many find it helpful to speak to an attorney before starting the divorce conversation. In some states, you’ll need to do a period of separation before you can begin the divorce process. An attorney can help you figure out what the steps are in your state. They can also help you decide if there are any steps you’ll want to take ahead of time to protect your assets before bringing up a divorce if you worry that your spouse might react badly. Having an idea of what you’re getting into can be a great place to start.

Make Sure that You Are Sure

Before starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you are certain about your decision. This is a bell that you cannot unring, so make sure that you won’t change your mind. For example, don’t decide on divorce in the heat of an argument. Rather, take a lot of time to think about all of the repercussions. It can also be helpful to speak with a relationship counselor to make sure that there aren’t ways to work through your problems.

Picking the Right Time

If you’ve considered it carefully and want to move forward with starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you pick your timing carefully. Find a time when you will not be interrupted. If you have small children, find childcare for them. In addition, make sure that you have plenty of time set aside for the conversation. For example, don’t try to spring it on your partner as they rush out the door for work. And finally, don’t bring up divorce in the middle of a heated argument. Instead, you’ll want to find a time when both you and your spouse are in a calm mental space.

Having the Talk

When you finally decide it’s time for starting the divorce conversation, just know that your partner might react in many different ways. For example, they might get upset, angry, or completely surprised. It’s important to keep your tone neutral and calm so that you can have a productive conversation. You want to make sure that you can explain yourself fully, so try not to let yourself get sidetracked by extreme emotions. In addition, if you are set in your decision, convey that. Don’t waver or act uncertain, but instead be firm with what you want.

Starting the divorce conversation is an overwhelming thing to consider. Divorce is a big deal, and not a decision that you should come to light. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you make sure that this is the decision you want to make. In addition, it can also help to speak to an attorney beforehand so that you know what to expect out of the divorce process. Once you are certain about your decision, picking your timing is important. Finally, when you begin the conversation, try to make sure that you are firm but calm. Nobody wants to go through the stressful divorce process, however, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be much worse. Hopefully, you and your partner can move forward with separation and divorce in mutual agreement.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the kindest things you can do to help them. This is likely one of the most stressful things they will go through. It helps to have a friend by your side the whole way. Be a good listener and do more listening and less talking. Your friend might need a shoulder to cry on. They might also need somebody to vent their frustration to, but try not to engage in trash talk. In addition, help them with the day-to-day necessities. Sometimes, just picking up groceries, taking the dog for a walk, or babysitting is the best help you can give. And finally, include them in your plans. They likely will be feeling lonely sometimes, so it’s nice to invite them out. They’ll be very glad to have such a good friend by their side.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce: How to Be Helpful

Be a Good Listener

Supporting a friend through a divorce is often a lot about listening. Try to do more listening without chiming in too much. Talking out loud is a great way for them to sort through their feelings about the divorce. Try to let them experience a wide range of emotions without judging or trying to change their mind.

Don’t Engage in Trash Talk

Another thing you can do when supporting a friend through a divorce is to avoid engaging in trash talking. They might feel the need to vent their frustrations to you. They might have a lot of bitterness, resentment, and anger. They might even cycle frequently between anger and sadness, or any other spectrum of feelings. While it’s fine to listen to what they say about their ex, try not to engage.

Help With the Day to Day

Supporting a friend through divorce often means helping them with day-to-day activities. They are suddenly handling everything on their own and their schedule is likely very different. They might need you to help them with the logistical side of things. For example, you could take their dog for a walk, or do some dishes while you’re there. Or do a quick clean-up, help them organize bills, or cook a meal. And of course, if they are now parenting solo, childcare is a great help.

Include Them

Finally, when supporting a friend through a divorce, it’s nice to include them in your plans. They will be facing holidays that look very different than they used to. For example, they might be splitting custody with their ex. In this case, they might be missing their children during the holidays. Try to remember to include them in your plans. Invite them to dinner, over for a movie night, or just reach out for a coffee. While it might seem awkward to invite somebody to your Christmas dinner or an anniversary celebration, it can be very helpful for them. Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the most helpful things you can do. It’s hard watching a friend go through the stress of divorce. However, knowing they have you there by their side will be a great help. Try to be a good listener when they need to vent their frustration. However, avoid engaging in trash talk. It never does anybody good, and it could come back to bite you. Help them with day-to-day tasks that they might get overwhelmed by. You can do small things around the house to help, or take on some childcare. And finally, include them in your plans so that they aren’t lonely. Your company will be a great distraction for them. Hopefully, it will be an easy transition for them. But it will be much easier with you helping them through it.