Divorce can stir up a wide range of emotions, and not all of them are pleasant. As a result, having an angry ex isn’t all that uncommon. Still, what do you do when you have to try and co-parent with them? There are a few ways you can try to defuse the tension between you…
Angry Ex: How To Handle Them
Be empathetic
Try to remember that anger is usually a secondary emotion. Odds are, an angry ex is hiding their griefor sadness over what’s happened behind their anger. This can be especially apparent if they weren’t the ones who suggested the divorce. In these cases, your ex can find it harder to adjust to the new post-divorce life.
As a result, this struggle can lead to their anger. That’s why it helps to try and be more empathetic when interacting with them. Try to let them know you understand why they feel how they do, and you don’t want to be their enemy. Instead, you want to work with them to co-parent properly.
Work on communication
Even if you try to be considerate, talking to an angry ex can be difficult. They might always try and shut you down, or quickly escalate things into screaming matches. In these scenarios, it’s important to know how you can properly communicate, even when your ex doesn’t want to.
Try and keep your interactions brief and straight to the point. Don’t try to bring up other topics or get distracted. Instead, keep it focused only on whatever the main thing you need to discuss is. Also, remember to try and use neutral and non-accusatory language, as to avoid blow-ups caused by misunderstanding.
Keep clear boundaries
Sometimes, no matter what you do, an angry ex is just not going to want to talk to you. They might ignore you, yell at you, and refuse to let you get your point across. However, you don’t have to just accept this kind of harassment. Instead, it’s perfectly acceptable to set some clear boundaries.
When your ex starts lashing out, let them know that if they continue, you’ll just leave and wait until they calm down. This lets them know that they can’t just attack you and expect you to allow it without consequence. Plus, if they try to pry out more personal, off-topic information, remind them of your boundaries and use a similar strategy if they don’t get the message.
