How-to Work Through Arguments: Conflict Resolution

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Arguments can be either beneficial or toxic for relationships. This wide difference all depends on how you manage them. A healthy argument can air out issues and leave both parties in a better place than they started. An unhealthy argument can lead to resentment, further anger, and a divide. Whether you are irritated with a friend or going through a divorce, there are ways to do so peacefully. It is really important to be able to work through arguments in a healthy way.

How-to Work Through Arguments: Have a Healthy Disagreement

Communicate

A big helper in managing arguments is to just make sure to communicate with the other person. If you let things build up and up, one day you will likely explode and have a huge argument. If something is bothering you, just talk to the other person about it so that it does not keep brewing inside of you. However, make sure that you address issues with your them in a kind manner. Do not attack them with the issue you want to bring up. Instead, do so in a non- accusatory manner. Have tact and think through your approach. This will help you work through arguments together, and keep them small before they blow up.

Listen

The next step in how you can work through arguments is to make sure and listen to the other person. If you do not hear out their side, they will get even more upset at you. Plus, if you listen to them, you may actually discover that they have legitimate reasons to be upset and end the argument. If the disagreement is in person, make sure to put down your phone, look at them, and show that you are paying attention.

If they are telling you that they do not think you are listening or paying attention, ask for clarification. Perhaps they are misunderstanding your communication style and you could adjust that so that they feel heard and listened to.

Apologize

Another part of being able to work through arguments is to learn how to apologize. Learn how to say that you are sorry. Figure out the best way to do so for the person you are in a disagreement with, as everyone has different communication styles and love languages. It does not have to be anything over the top, but personalizing an apology will go a long way!

Also, be sure that it is a sincere apology. People can tell when you do not truly want to apologize. Make sure it is not a back-handed apology that has a hidden jab in it. This will help you to be better at managing any arguments you have.

How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Switching from being married to being co-parents after a divorce isn’t always easy. Many former couples struggle with making the transition. While mistakes will happen, there are some co-parenting mistakes you’ll want to do your best to avoid. Doing so will help make your experience a lot smoother…

How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes: Common Issues

Picking fights

One of the most common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents start to pick fights. It’s understandable that tensions may be a bit high following your divorce. As such, when you have to meet your co-parent, it can be tough to be totally relaxed. This is especially true if your co-parent is seemingly going out of their way to push your buttons.

A good way to avoid these fights is by waiting until you both cool off to meet in person. Instead, you can keep in touch via texts or phone calls. It’s also important for both of you to recognize when you’re in the wrong. Apologize after saying rude, even if your other co-parent doesn’t, to set a good example for your kids.

Forgetting the point

Another of the common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents lose sight of their goals. Instead of trying to be good co-parents to their kids, they instead try and gain an “upper hand” over their ex. This ends up causing a power struggle to develop. Now, each co-parent will try and make requests or demands for their own benefit, rather than for the kids.

Remember that co-parenting isn’t a competition. Your kids will need both of you to be positive influences in their lives. If they see you fighting and acting like that, you’ll be leaving a bad impression. Therefore, you and your co-parent need to be willing to work together for the benefit of your kids.

Bad communication

Many co-parenting mistakes are caused by bad communication. It could be that you and your co-parent barely talk to one another. This can end up causing a lot of miscommunication, leaving you or them out of the loop. As a result, this tends to cause a lot of tension and subsequent arguments.

Good communication is crucial to any co-parenting arrangement. As such, you and your co-parent should remain in regular contact. Even just simple texts or calls will go a long way in clearing things up and making sure everyone is on the same page.

Telling Your Children About Your Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Telling your children about your divorce might be one of the most difficult discussions you’ll ever have in your life. However, if you plan in advance, you can better prepare for handling this tough conversation. You and your partner really need to work together on this, so try to put aside your differences for the sake of the children. You’ll need to be a team to prepare how you’ll talk to the kids, and answer their questions. You should also try to tell them together. Reassure them that they will adjust. Finally, give them space to absorb the new information. It will be painful, but preparing in advance can make this conversation more bearable.

Telling Your Children About Your Divorce: Plan In Advance

Prepare Beforehand

Telling your children about your divorce needs to be a team effort between you and your spouse. You might disagree on a lot, but you’ll need to put aside differences in order to have a healthy conversation with your kids. You’ll need to decide the narrative that you’re going to tell the children about why you are divorcing. You don’t need to get into all the details, but a general idea of how to tackle that question without blaming can be helpful. Also, try to prepare for their questions. They may want to know which parent they’ll be living with, where they’ll be staying if they’ll be changing schools or moving. All of these are valid concerns and you should try to have an answer ready to go for them.

Tell Them Together

Telling your children about your divorce is best done together. That way, you’ll be able to share with them the reasons without playing the blame game. They can ask all the questions they want, and you and your spouse can answer them together. They need to see that you are both in agreement that this is the best course of action for your family. It also shows that you can work together and that you’ll both be committed to making things as smooth as possible. If your children are of similar ages, try to tell them at the same time so that they don’t hear about it from a sibling.

Reassure Them

The absolute most important thing when telling your children about your divorce is to reassure them. Reassure them that you love them and that you are going to make the divorce as smooth as you can for them. You’ll of course reassure them that they played no part in the reason for the divorce. That there is nothing they did to cause it. And that there was nothing they could do to prevent it. Also reassure them that even though it will be hard, they will adjust to this new life. You’ll need to reassure them many times throughout the process.

Give Them Space

Finally, after telling your children about your divorce, give them space. Everybody needs time to adjust to hearing life-changing news. They’ll need to think out all of what this means for their lives. They’ll probably have many questions and concerns. Even though it’s painful, try to always be open and willing to talk to them about your divorce. Some children may shut down for a little while they process. Reassure them that you would like to talk to them whenever they feel like it. Let them react how they need to react because they have a right to their feelings.

It will be hard. It will be painful. But telling your children about your divorce will ultimately go better if you prepare in advance. Make a plan with your partner about how to tell them and how to answer their questions. Find a non-blaming narrative that is age-appropriate. Sit down as a family sometime when you can really take your time with the conversation. Reassure them that they will adjust and that the divorce is not their fault. And finally, give them space to absorb this new vision of their lives. While it’s difficult to have these conversations, in the end, you are trying to do what is best for them. They’ll be happier with two parents who co-parent in a healthy way than they would be with two parents living in a toxic marriage.

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Maintaining mutual friendships after a divorce is something that oftentimes gets looked over. A divorce can be messy and stressful. Sometimes you forget that there could still be some decisions to make after it’s final. However, forcing friends to choose sides is never good for anybody. It’s really best if you can figure out a way to maintain your mutual friendships. Have a frank conversation with your ex and your friends about how you plan to keep them all in your life. Set ground rules that you and your ex will stick to. And finally, anticipate that there will probably be some friends that pick sides despite your best efforts. Keeping a friendly relationship with your ex is the best way to keep your mutual friends in both of your lives.

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce: Don’t Make Your Friends Pick Sides

Have a Conversation with Your Ex

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce is easiest if you and your ex-partner are both on board. Have a discussion about what you want your relationship to look like post-divorce. If you have children together, it really is best if you can maintain at least some level of trust and friendship. If you both feel strongly about sharing with your friends and not forcing them to pick sides, then it is definitely possible to do.

Have a Conversation with Your Friends

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce also relies on being up-front with your friends. They probably have no idea how to navigate these waters either. They may feel like they’re being pulled to one side or the other. However, if you talk to them honestly about both of your desire to keep them in both of your lives, hopefully, they’ll be understanding.

Set Ground Rules

It’s important to set ground rules for maintaining mutual friendships after divorce. And the most important one of these is: don’t talk badly about your ex. Don’t try to win them over to your side of the divorce. If you are filling their ear with horrible stories about your ex or the other way around, they’ll be forced to pick sides. It also puts them in an awkward spot. It’s really best just to keep your breakup and your relationship with your ex-private.

Anticipate Some Losses

Finally, it’s important to remember that maintaining mutual friendships after divorce just won’t be possible for every one of your friends. Some will pick sides even if you ask them not to. Expect that your ex’s closest friends will probably drop off your radar a bit. And likewise, your closest friends will most likely not be maintaining friendships with your ex. As time goes on and you and your ex get more comfortable with your situation, maybe it will be possible to rekindle some friendships. Especially if you have children. But, it can take time and there may be a point where you’ll have to just cut your losses. Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can seem difficult, but it is possible. But it’s only doable if you and your ex are on the same page about it. So talk to your ex directly and lay a plan out for maintaining your friendships. Also discuss your plan with your friends, as they probably don’t really know how to navigate these waters any more than you do. Laying some ground rules for everybody will go a long way in maintaining peace. And finally, accept that some relationships will simply not work once your divorce is finalized. It’s ok to let some friendships go. However, hopefully, you and your ex will be able to maintain a friendly relationship and preserve your mutual friends.