Secret-keeping in a marriage can be a slippery slope that can quickly lead to a lot of broken trust. Although everybody has a right to privacy, there is a difference between privacy and keeping secrets or lying to your partner. Lying can quickly compound into a very messy situation. Additionally, keeping secrets can block you from being able to be intimate with your partner. It can lead to broken trust and a lack of self-confidence for your spouse. And finally, it can be a slippery slope to behaviors like infidelity. Instead of keeping secrets from your spouse, it’s healthier to explore why you feel hesitant to share something with them. Tackling those feelings through marriage counseling or private therapy can help you open up more and can allow you to form an even deeper bond of trust with your spouse.
The Dangers of Secret-Keeping in a Marriage: Broken Trust
Lies Compound
One of the reasons why secret-keeping in a marriage is so dangerous is because lies often compound. When people lie about things, it’s difficult to stop at just one lie. They often end up telling more lies to cover up the first one. Then, it becomes difficult to remember which half-truths and lies of omission they’ve even told. After all of that, revealing the truth can feel much harder because they also have to reveal all of the cover-ups and deception surrounding it.
Lack of Intimacy
Another reason why secret-keeping in a marriage can be unhealthy is because it can lead to a lack of intimacy. A lie can create an invisible barrier between you and your partner that might be difficult to overcome. It might make you feel uncomfortable being around them, or make you avoid certain topics. Your spouse will likely pick up on that discomfort and be confused and hurt about why you suddenly are distancing yourself from them.
Broken Trust
Broken trust is another danger of secret-keeping in a marriage. If your partner catches you in a lie, it can be difficult to overcome. It might shake their confidence in you and make them question what other things you might be lying to them about. Additionally, being lied to can lead to a lot of confidence issues. That broken trust in your marriage can fester and become a huge source of pain if you continue to deceive your partner.
Slippery Slope
Finally, lying in a marriage can be a slippery slope to other behaviors. Once you get over the initial discomfort of telling a lie, it becomes easier and easier to tell more. Then, it might become easier to fall into unhealthy habits, like infidelity. Secret-keeping in a marriage can be a slippery slope to things like affairs. Then, as the lies add up and become more and more intricate, the resulting damage when they are found out can be catastrophic to your marriage.
Everybody has a right to privacy in their relationships, however, secret-keeping in a marriage can be unhealthy. It can lead to more and more lies, a lack of intimacy, and broken trust. It can also result in unhealthy behaviors like covering up financial struggles, infidelity, or addiction. If you are feeling the need to keep secrets from your spouse, it’s important to discover where those feelings are coming from. Instead of lying, seek out professional help. A marriage counselor can allow you both to open up more, or private therapy can help you come to terms with why you are feeling ashamed to share your feelings with your partner. Being vulnerable with your partner can actually bring you much closer together and can end up making you an even stronger couple.
