There are plenty of mistakes that every co-parent will make. After all, we’re all new to this at some point in time, and there are always growing pains. The key to being a good co-parent, is keeping a few key goals in mind. From communication, to compromise, and beyond— the Four Co-parenting C’s are something every divorced parent must observe, and perfect, to become the co-parent we all want to be. No one said it’s easy, but it’s undeniably worth it.
The Four Co-parenting C’s to Perfect for Your Kids
Cooperation
When it comes to mastering co-parenting, cooperation is at the center of it all. While you two divorced for a reason, you also have to find ways to put that aside for your children. You’ll have to manage school, appointments, birthday parties, family gatherings, sick days, pick-up and drop-off, and many manyother things as a unit. The key to successful cooperation, is to plan ahead of time— but also be flexible. The more committed you are to cooperating for your kids, the more likely you are to be successful at it.
Compromise
One of the most difficult things to do as a divorced parent, and co-parent, is to compromise with your former spouse. No matter how hard we try, it’s extremely easy to be spiteful when it comes to your ex, even when kids are involved. But, as a parent, you always have to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Maybe this weekend was supposed to be yours, but your former spouse’s mother has fallen extremely ill. Your ex asks if you will let the child spend the weekend with them so they can visit in the hospital.
While your instinct might be to say no out of spite, consider if it was the other way around. Your mother is ill, she might pass, and you want your child to be able to say goodbye. By giving a little in the right moments, you and your former spouse might be able to form a new kind of respect, and become better co-parents in the long run.
Consistency
As we’ve mentioned, there will always be growing pains as you learn how to co-parent outside of a marriage, but consistency is key. By maintaining routines for your child from one household to the other, you give them a sense of security that might have been wavering after the separation. By setting uniform expectations, you make things easier for your children. Not to mention, you also avoid that infamous “but, Mom/Dad lets me…”
Communication
We always save this one for last because it’s the most important, and the most difficult to master. Chances are, your inability to communicate with one another played at least a small part in your divorce. So, how are we supposed to get better at it now? Quite simply put, because you have to. In communicating effectively, you set a strong example for your children and avoid conflict. Conduct yourselves in a business-like fashion because, after all, you’re colleagues in the business of raising your children. So, be courteous to the co-parent as if they are a co-worker.
As you consider the Four Co-parenting C’s, you might begin to discover what you’ve been excelling at. Furthermore, you might also discover what you need to work on. Every parent, whether divorced or together, can inevitably improve their tactics in one way or another— and there’s no shame in saying it. However, there is admirability in admitting your faults and improving upon them.
