The Pros and Cons Of Sole Custody: Weighing Options

Custody battles are one of the most stressful things a couple can go through. There are pros and cons of sole custody versus joint custody. A lot depends on the situation and parents involved. You need to weigh the options and decide if seeing sole custody is the right decision for you, your children, and your ex-partner.

The Pros and Cons of Sole Custody: Is This The Right Move?

Positives of Sole Custody

When debating the pros and cons of sole custody, it is important to know the reason why you are seeking it. If there was abuse or neglect towards you or the children, then it might be best for them to be entirely in your care. Similarly, if there are substance abuses or severe mental illness that could impair somebody’s judgment, it might be safer to keep the children with one parent only. The positives in this instance would be that you could feel confident that your children are safe. Another positive is that if it’s only you making decisions for your children, you don’t have to discuss options with your ex. There can be less stress over important decisions.

Negatives of Sole Custody

Another thing to consider when debating the pros and cons of sole custody is that although you won’t have to run every decision by your partner, you also don’t have them to bounce ideas off of. If stressful situations arise with your kids, you won’t have the benefit of your partner’s advice. Another thing to consider is how overwhelming taking care of children full time alone can be. And of course, seeking sole custody can be a huge source of pain for the parent that loses custody. It can lead to feelings of resentment between you and your ex, as well as your children.

What to Do After You’ve Made Your Decision

After you’ve weighed the pros and cons of sole custody, you might have decided to seek sole or joint custody. If you are seeking joint custody, you and your ex will need to work out a schedule. This also might include finding new places to live or coordinating with child care and school pickups. If you have decided to seek sole custody, you’ll probably want to arrange some childcare help. You’ll need to have backup options for things like school pick-ups and taking children to activities. In case you get sick or work keeps you busy, you’ll need to know who to call for emergency childcare. You also might want to look into help since you are now the sole caregiver, which can be overwhelming.

There are many pros and cons of sole custody. Make sure you weigh the pros and cons to yourself, your children, and your ex-spouse. Seeking sole custody can cause a lot of emotions, so be sure of your decision before you seek it. Once you’ve decided which route to go, try to prepare things in advance as much as possible. This will hopefully make the transition easier for the kids. The most important thing is that you work out a situation where your children are happy and supported.

How to Ease Back Into Dating After a Divorce

Going through a divorce is emotional and stressful. For a long time, you may not be ready to even think about dating again. But when you do decide to get back out there, these tips can help. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, it’s important to remember to take your time. You’ll also want to get out and meet people and be upfront about being a divorcee. Getting back into the dating world can be scary at first, but hopefully, you’ll find your perfect partner!

Ease Back into Dating After a Divorce – Trust Yourself

Take It Slow

Taking it slow is the most important step when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce. This means taking it slow when deciding to start dating. It also means taking it slow with new partners, as well as taking it slow when telling your family that you’re dating again. Before you get back into the dating world, it’s important that you build your confidence back up. Going through a divorce can cause so much mental stress, so it’s important to make sure that you’re in a healthy headspace before bringing somebody new into your life. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, you need to do just that – ease. Take it slow with new dates. Don’t try to rush a relationship into something serious too quickly. Just have fun and enjoy yourself for a while. Your feelings about your ex can change a lot over the course of dating someone new. You might feel nostalgic about your early dates, or get overwhelmed at how much there is to learn about a new person. Try not to get ahead of yourself, and just enjoy the relationship as it grows. Also remember to take it slow when introducing new dates to your family, especially your kids. They probably don’t need to meet every single person you go on a date with. But if things start to feel serious, it’s best to sit them down and let them meet your date.

Get Out There

The best thing you can do when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce is to just get out there and meet people. Online dating is always an option too. But don’t neglect old fashioned meet and greets. Switch up your routine and go to a new coffee shop or gym. Or join a local meetup or sports group. Try and introduce yourself to as many new people as you can when you’re out and about. And don’t forget to ask your friends if they know any available singles! It’s best to be upfront about your breakup when you ease back into dating after a divorce. You can keep it short and simple. For example, “my ex-husband and I are divorced. I wish him well but we just weren’t right for each other.” You don’t have to go into more detail than you’re comfortable with. And try not to trash talk your ex either. You don’t want to give the wrong impression to your new date. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about your status as a divorcee, and talking about your ex in a calm way will show your new date that you’re mature and comfortable with the situation. Deciding to ease back into dating after a divorce is a big decision. Really take time to figure out if you’re ready for it or not. Remember to take it slow when starting to look for dates, as well as with any new partners. Get out there and meet new people, and be upfront about your divorce. Always trust your instincts, and don’t forget that if things don’t feel right, it’s alright to give yourself more time. And of course, have fun!

Benefits of Dating a Divorcee

Some people overlook divorcees in the dating pool. However, there are many benefits of dating a divorcee. Aside from their life experience, they know what they want in a partner. In addition, they will be unlikely to rush things in a relationship. They hopefully will be quick to recognize issues within a relationship as well. Finally, they have proved that they are committed and hopefully have learned from their first relationship. Try not to count out divorcees as potential partners.

Benefits of Dating a Divorcee: Let Their Experience Work in Your Favor

They Know What They Need in a Partner

One of the major benefits of dating a divorcee is that they have learned what they need in a partner. They know what works in a relationship and what kills a relationship. Divorcees will therefore be honest about their needs and quick to see issues. They have probably also learned their strengths and weaknesses as a partner. As a result, they will be more willing to work on their shortcomings.

They Won’t Rush Into Things

Divorcees are more likely to take things slow in a relationship. One of the important benefits of dating a divorcee is that they will be more likely to make their next relationship work longtime. They will take time to make sure their next partner is a better fit. Because they know the stress of divorce, they won’t be likely to rush into another marriage. Therefore, if they do commit, it will probably be a marriage that lasts forever.

Quick to Recognize Issues

Another of the benefits of dating a divorcee is that they’ll be able to recognize problems brewing. They will be quick to see issues that could harm your relationship. They have seen first hand how some problems can ruin a marriage. Therefore, they know how certain issues can spiral out of control. Because of this, they’ll be quick to address those problems.

They’re Committed

Finally, knowing they are willing to commit is one of the main benefits of dating a divorcee. They have proven that they are willing to commit to a marriage. Even though their first marriage didn’t work out it doesn’t mean it was all their fault. There are many reasons why marriages fail. They’ve proven that they are not afraid of commitment. And hopefully, they’ve learned some valuable lessons from their first marriage.

Dating divorcees can be a great option for somebody looking for a mature partner. One of the many benefits of dating a divorcee is the fact that they are worldly. They have experienced the highs and lows of a relationship. Because of this, they’ll be likely to take that experience into their future relationships and make those even stronger.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

When you think of domestic violence and abuse, you probably think of physical and verbal abuse. However, there are many forms of abuse. Oftentimes, financial abuse is overlooked. According to a study by the Centers for Financial Security, 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. In fact, it is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. Learn the signs of financial abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship: Knowing the Signs

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse can vary from situation to situation. There is no one perfect example of it. However, it does involve controlling someone’s ability to get, use, and maintain financial resources. The victims may even be prevented from working so that they are unable to make or access money for themselves. In addition, the victims of financial abuse in a relationship may have their own money stolen or limited by their abuser. If the victim does have access to money, they may have to account for any of it that they use.

Look for Signs of Abuse

While every situation is different, there are certain things you can pay attention to. First, abusers may use or controls the money you have earned or saved. Examples of this include using your money or credit cards for their own benefit without asking. They may also ask to borrow money from you and never repay it. Also, they may ruin your credit by charging things to your account and not paying them off. Another sign of financial abuse in a relationship is if they have a double standard when it comes to spending. For example, they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases

They may start to control where you can or can not work, and may even make you quit your job. In addition, they may actually try to sabotage your job. It is possible for them to go as far as hiding your car keys or removing your car battery so that you can not show up to work. These are only just a few of the signs of financial abuse, but there are many more.

Get Help

If you or someone you know is a victim of financial abuse in a relationship, get help right away. Call a counselor, advocate, or religious leader. Remember that financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. Oftentimes, it can actually end up leading to other types of abuse. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained professionals. Do not wait until it is too late to get help.

How-to: Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce

If you want more information on the topic of social media while getting a divorce, please view this video.

Social media consumes many of our lives. From the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, we are checking social media more often than we think. According to Statista.com, in 2019, internet users world wide averaged 144 minutes of social media every day. In 2018, more than half of American adults say they opened a social media app on their phones at least 10 times a day, and that number is always growing. Social media can potentially hurt your job, relationships, and even your mental health. In addition, social media can be harmful while you are going through the divorce process. Learn how to handle social media while getting a divorce.

How-to Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce: Ways to Avoid It

Perceptions and Consequences

Most people overshare and over-post on social media. They lay out every detail of their life for everyone to see. Oversharing on social media while getting a divorce can come back to haunt you. For example, if you post about engaging risky behaviors, this could hurt you in a custody battle. In addition, if you have posted things that could hint at an extramarital relationship, this could hurt you as well.

Some people may even get angry about the divorce and post threatening posts about their soon-to-be ex. Keep in mind that the court can use anything on social media as evidence against you. This is true whether it is a public or private message, so never post anything privately or publicly that you don’t want other people to see. A good rule is to always use common sense.

Take a Break

Ideally, you should take a break from social media while getting a divorce. First, so many people only show their curated highlights online, and never the things they are actually going through. Scrolling mindlessly through peoples highlight reals for hours at a time can be harmful to your mental health. You could start comparing your life to theirs, which is not healthy. This is especially true when you are going through a difficult time in your life yourself.

Take a break from social media to reflect on what is going on in your life. Look at how you got to this point and how you can start to heal and move forward. Social media takes up so much of our time that oftentimes we forget about taking time for ourselves. Instead, step back from social media and focus on taking care of yourself while you are going through this process. Who knows, perhaps after the break, social media will no longer rule your life anymore.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce

Divorce is never easy. The process will often stir up conflict between spouses as it brings out strong emotions and feelings. It is not uncommon to feel anger, sadness, hurt, and disappointment. You will find the process to be much smoother when you try to minimize or avoid conflict in a divorce. If you have children, it is even more important to do your best to avoid conflict during divorce. Children do not react well to poorly managed conflict. By managing anger and conflict now, it will also make life post-divorce easier, especially if you have kids.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce: Managing the Process

Don’t Bring Up the Past

It is not uncommon to dwell on the past events and actions that may have led to your marriage ending. Sometimes instead of being helpful, it actually can bring up a lot of anger and pain. Try to avoid getting hung up on the past, or reminding your ex of any wrongdoings. This is sure to lead to an argument, or someone feeling attacked. Instead, work to avoid conflict during divorce. In the words of Dennis Waitley, “Don’t dwell on the past, look toward the future and the positivity that is to come!” If you are going to reflect on the past, do so in a positive, constructive way. That way you can learn from your mistakes and be able to avoid those in your next relationship.

Communication

If you do not feel like you can communicate directly with your soon-to-be ex in a civil manner, it may be best to find an alternative way. You may want to hire a mediator to help avoid conflict during divorce. A mediator is a neutral third party that can help with communication and negotiations during a divorce. They can work beside attorneys to help you come to agreements sooner and with less conflict. Mediation helps you and your ex to come up with a solution based on what is best for your family. This can be a much better option than a judge deciding the outcome of your divorce.

Sometimes you may be unable to communicate with your spouse in a civil manner, even through writing. If a mediator is unable to help, consider communicating through your attorney. Keep in mind that your attorney is your strongest advocate. Plus, they can can communicate on your behalf without getting involved emotionally.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year, filled with family, food and cheer. However, in plenty of cases, this is not the situation. Many find the holidays to be stressful, chaotic, and often painful. Some have lost loved ones, and families may be split apart. The holidays can be a real time of conflict. So how do we deal with our ex-partner and all of these pressures as you are trying to coordinate the holidays? It takes a lot of coordination to make sure each parent gets their time with the children, while still making everyone happy and ensuring everyone gets to see them. While it may seem challenging, it is possible to co-parent over the holidays.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays: Working Out the Arrangements

Be Realistic

When you have to co-parent over the holidays, have realistic expectations. Unless you want to spend the holidays with your ex, you can not expect that you will always get to have your kids with you on the exact holidays. Remember that December 24 and 25 are just dates, and that you can still have a wonderful time even if you have to celebrate a little before or after. Also, you will have to keep in mind that you may not be able to have your kids visit with every single relative for the holidays. It is much more important for your children to be able to share the holidays with their other parent than see a far distant relative. If you go ahead and have reasonable expectations set, you will enjoy the season much more.

Traditions

It is no secret that traditions help make the season special. Children often have fond memories of family traditions they enjoyed. Keep in mind that a divorce does not mean that all of the fun traditions have to be over. Some family traditions may be too painful to continue. Be mindful of this, and only do what is appropriate for your situation and your family. Additionally, you should also create new traditions that are fun for everyone to enjoy. It is okay for you to hold onto some old traditions and create new ones when you have to co-parent over the holidays.

Communication

Whatever you do, communicate with the other parent before making or changing plans. Do you best to come up with a schedule to spend time with the kids, whether together or separate. Things can get more complicated if there are misunderstandings or miscommunications. Try to come up with a reasonable schedule for the holidays. Then, present it to your ex as soon as possible. Work through this to make sure this setup works best for both of you.

How-to Begin Healing from Adultery

You feel betrayed, hurt, and confused. You found out that your spouse has been cheating on you behind your back. In the moment, it may feel like this pain and suffering will never end. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be able to pick up the pieces and move forward. Whether or not you choose to stick it out or part ways with your spouse is up to you. There is no perfect, one-size-fits-all answer. However, it is important to know what steps you can take to begin healing from adultery.

How-to Begin Healing from Adultery: Picking Up the Pieces

Emotions

If you want to start healing from adultery, you will have to work through multiple stages first. You will feel an overwhelming amount of pain and sadness. This could come with swings of emotions where you are angry at your spouse, then yourself, and back to your spouse again. This could all happen within a matter of moments. You will have lost all trust and have shattered dreams for the future.

During this time, do not make any rash decisions. When you are in emotional pain, you will not be able to make wise decisions at this point. Do not jump into wanting to file for divorce, hurting yourself or getting revenge. Wait until your emotions have leveled out, or you may make a decision that you regret, but cannot take back. There is no set time frame as to how long this stage will last. Your spouse will need to be patient with you during this time. The way you work through this stage is unique to you. Lean on others for support or seek a councilor. Make sure to practice self-care, get enough sleep and eat healthy.

Therapy

It will be helpful to get therapy to work through healing from adultery. While you may be tempted to seek help on your own, it may be better to get therapy as a couple if you are considering continuing the marriage. You will have broken trust in your relationship. Seeking help together could help to rebuild this trust. There have already been enough secrets in this marriage. Individual therapy does not work to rebuild that trust. In fact, it may even make things more complicated. If you are wanting to save your marriage, you need to work through things with your spouse and not apart from them. Sometimes it takes one spouse hearing the other spouse saying why he or she is choosing this relationship and marriage versus giving up.

Working on Your Relationship

While the spouse who cheated on the other spouse is completely at fault for the affair, it is good to look at all of the other surrounding factors. Were there things that were broken in the marriage that could be worked on? Perhaps both spouses lost interest in one another. Try and address the things that were broken so that if you do continue the marriage, these things are not a continuous pain point.

It is also important to work on communication. For this to work, you must be able to communicate how you feel. You do not want underlying feelings to pop up 15 years from now about the hurt you have been sweeping under the rug. Being able to communicate openly will also help to rebuild trust.

How-to Decide if You Should Date a Divorcee

Statistics say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That means there are going to be quite a few divorcees out there. When you are on the dating scene, you are likely to encounter several, or many, divorcees. There are going to be different pros and cons that come with dating someone who has been divorced before. Here are some things to consider if you are trying to decide if you should date a divorcee.

How-to Decide if You Should Date a Divorcee: Choosing a Relationship

Commitment

Divorcees have already made a commitment to marriage (at least) once already. This likely means that they will have a clearer mindset about the reality of marriage and the problems that can arise. Due to this, they may be slower to make another commitment again. However, know that once they do make a commitment, they are more likely to stick with it. They will not want to go through the pain of another separation again. This is all good to know if you are going to date a divorcee.

They will have experienced what worked and what did not work in a relationship. They will also have experienced a wedding, marriage, and end of a marriage. Through all of the highs and lows of this process, they will have learned a lot about themselves and what is important to them. This may have made them more well-rounded as a person. This experience is invaluable when forming a new relationship. However, these experiences could also make a divorcee bitter as well.

Family Ties

It is also good to consider the family ties that come along with a divorcee. There will always be a tie, in some way or another, with an ex. This same thing is true if this person has children. No matter the age of the children, or whether or not they live with their parent or not, the kids will come as part of the package. When children are involved, your partner will likely have to have contact with their ex. This can especially be difficult when a new relationship is developing.

If you are going to date a divorcee, you will have to honestly ask yourself if you are able to accept these family ties. Know that your partner may take a while to introduce you to his or her children. This is nothing against you, it is just protecting the children’s feelings and emotions. If this relationship turns into marriage, you will need be comfortable that you will become a stepparent. Depending on the situation, this could be a really amazing or challenging transition.

How-to Work with a Financial Advisor During Divorce

Divorce can be very difficult on your financial situation. If you relied on dual-incomes to make ends meet, or your partner was the only one who worked, this can be especially challenging. Divorce may force you to change your lifestyle and spending habits. If you find finances to be an unpleasant and overwhelming thing to think about, you are in luck. Financial advisors are professionals that specialize in helping people with their finances. Learn how to work with a financial advisor during divorce.

How-to Work with a Financial Advisor During Divorce: Manage Your Finances

Financial Goals

Financial planners and advisors can help you get on track and work towards the goals you want to achieve. Unfortunately, according to a study, only 5% of women work with a financial advisor during divorce. However, these professionals can be as asset as part of a divorce team. In fact, 61% of women who did not use a financial planner wish that they would have worked with one during their divorce.

If you have not already, it is good to sit down and figure out your financial goals. Thinking these through will help you be able to work towards reaching your goals. Some good financial goals include paying off your debt, having a comfortable retirement, and saving for an emergency fund. Others include being able to buy a new home, creating another income source, or building wealth through investments.

Benefits

One of the benefits of using a financial planner is that they can help you evaluate your lifestyle. They will help you take a hard look at your finances both before and after the divorce. This will be helpful for even looking at different things like covering expenses, buying insurance, creating a budget, and paying bills.

Another benefit of working with a financial advisor during divorce is that they can help you look at your assets. This will include hidden gems you may not have remembered, and which assets to fight for during your divorce. Consider things like jewelry, investments, college funds and retirement accounts. The financial advisor will be able to determine what is worth asking for and also set up a plan to help you achieve financial freedom.

Although this is an underutilized resource, working with a financial advisor during divorce is a smart move. They will help you to be able to start off on the right track during and after your divorce. You will be glad they were part of your divorce team.